To Word Verify or Not to Word Verify

I just left my friend Carrie a comment, where I bashed the whole word verification just to find out after I submitted my comment that she too had word verification. Crap! Foot in mouth! So I am going to give you my opinion on word verification.... if you do it, you are warned: This post could be offensive.

I HATE IT! What is the purpose? Do computers in your area have a problem with leaving you nasty messages? I don't know, but a comment is a comment. It makes me feel special and pertinent. If it's a computer recommending a dating site, whatever, it's really not a big deal. If it is truly offensive I can just delete it. But in the past year, I have never had comment spam. I think that if I did, I would feel as though my blog had hit the big time and I was somehow very famous. In fact, I have only seen it once and that was on the wildly popular blog, the lowe family news, so no big surprise there. It's the price of fame.

Now, I know that it shouldn't bother me what security measures people use to protect their blogs. But the problem is, it's inconvenient. It's just another step I have to go through to leave you a comment. I can't tell you how many times I left a comment and closed the window just as I see that stupid word verification come up!! I mean, my gosh, if you are gonna put us through hoops at least imbed your word verification so that I see it coming. Dang, I have lost so many witty and important comments that way. And make no mistake of it, I don't go back and leave it again. I have this fear that it actually went through and you are gonna have doubles, so I just don't do it.

So, all you word verifiers out there, if you feel the need to prevent spam... fine. Just don't have it sneak up on us after we have hit post comment. It's just rude. Be upfront with your obsession to control everything, and then we at least know what we are getting into.

Man, I feel better. Thanks and have a great day!

Well, hello, my dear friends!

It's 2010! Do we say twenty ten or two thousand ten? I don't know, and when we talk about the last ten years will we say the 2000's, like the 90's and the 80's? Hmmm, I wonder. 

Anyway, what better to lull me out of my blogging coma than the announcement of a new baby Snipes!!! I am so freakin' excited! Actually words cannot express how excited I am! I went through a bit of a mild depression when all my friends kept popping out babies and this little oven in my belly sat empty. But, alas, it has turned on for one last hurrah! 

I know that some think I'm crazy for doing this now with Dave leaving in a few weeks. For a little while I thought the same thing. Why would I put myself through this, when I know that I am going to be doing it alone? But then I remembered.... Dave is useless in this department. No slight on his part, he's a great dad, a wonderful husband and excellent marine but the guy is chopped liver in the delivery room. In fact, he remained chopped liver for the first six months of the lives of EVERY Snipes I have brought into the world. He does nothing, really, he doesn't bathe or feed them. On occasion he would change a diaper, but even that was rare. It's not really a big deal, I'm not bitter about it at all.

You see, I'm the type of woman that HATES to be touched or spoke to or hovered over during labor. Poor Dave, he made an effort with Cooper (albeit on crutches) but he was driving me crazy! I just want everyone to stay out of my face and let me do what God has put me on earth to do. I don't need or WANT your petting or words of encouragement... I want the pain to go away and the baby to get out... neither of which Dave can do a thing about. So, he just crouches in a corner and waits for the magic words "it's time" when he can get up and hold my legs up to my ears (because let's face it, I'm not gonna be able to do THAT myself). 

And it's not like as soon as the baby comes out he suddenly becomes useful. He does not. The thing is, I nurse my babies for the first six months... at least. And call me silly, but I see no reason to wake Dave to change a diaper when I am already up. That whole nonsense where parents trade off after the feeding, it's ridiculous. I'll just do it myself. But don't get the wrong idea, I don't plan to do it indefinitely. No freakin' way. I give my poor sweet useless husband six months and then I'm off duty. And I'm not talking about taking turns. Uhm no. We didn't take turns at 3 days, 3 weeks or even at 3 months.... we are NOT taking turns at six months. Nope, I hand that duty over to Dave. And he's got them from then on. I shut down, I won't go past 6 months. So, there lies the genius of getting pregnant now. Dave comes home right at that six month mark and he will arrive just in time to take the reins. It's perfect. I get my baby, he gets his deployment and we enjoy our lives as a happy family of SIX... in 2011! 

This all may come across a little mean, but it's not. It's not meant that way. It's simply the truth. Dave knows it, I know it and now you know it. So don't judge me for purposely having a baby while my husband is deployed. I'm seriously just that strong and awesome. No biggie. 

Merry Christmas, Summer!

Sorry, Summer, I just got your threat so I missed the 24 hour window. You know, I completely forgot that I had a blog. Isn't that weird. I guess it was in the back of my mind but it was waaaaaay back there. I have so much going on, but it should be lessened in about a week when school is out. 

I just spent all day decorating for Christmas. I have never really had any decorations before. Sure, we had a tree, but even that didn't get put up since we usually go out of town for Christmas. But this year is different. Santa is coming to the Snipes' house!!! Whoooohooo! My kids are so excited. They have been asking for awhile why we don't "celebrate" Christmas. (Apparently, if you don't put up lights or a tree then you don't "celebrate" Christmas. Interesting.) Well, this year is gonna be different. When I was going through the garage I noticed that I had an extra "Christmas Deco" box. I was confused since all our decorations fit in a shoe box. When I opened it up, it was truly like Christmas. It was a box of my mom's Christmas things. Oh my goodness.... my mom has the very BEST Christmas decorations. It's awesome! I was so excited that I actually went out and bought green and white M&Ms to go in my newly acquired Christmas candy dishes. This is gonna be the bestest Christmas EVER! 

I finally got a new camera so you guys are extra lucky! 

I'm gonna include some cute little pictures!!

Isn't our tree BEAUTIFUL!!! 

The kids did the majority

 of the decorating and I think they did a fine job!

Some of you may have seen these creepy Santa Pictures, 

but since my kids are so cute....

 I had to include them~

In my holiday spirit I bought some cute Christmas cards. I think I might actually send them out this year. So, if you want one send me your address. Otherwise, you will be left out and sad :-(

Stripper Hair and Sharpies

I am going to start off this post just as I start every other one. I am so sorry for not posting more often, I've been so busy, my husband's awesome, I have beautiful kids, I'm in school, kids are in soccer, Dave is, uhm, a Marine, blah blah blah.

I really should resort to the whole list thing again, because I have lots of little things to talk to you about. But, I feel that the lists are a little overdone so I will try to make this one coherent cohesive post.

So, let's see. When I last wrote to you I was feeling better at the expense of some lady's shot off face. I have to say, not my most endearing post. I kind of sound mean, and I am NOT mean. I'm just, you know, honest. I've noticed lately that I've made some of my very best friends from being honest. For some reason, they seem to appreciate it. Moving on, so last you heard I was all feeling good about myself because things could get worse.

Well, that lasted all of about the 20 minutes it took to write that post. I quickly went back to feeling fat and ugly and under appreciated. So, of course, to make myself feel pretty I went shopping for a gown for the Marine Corps Ball. And true to my standard, it backfired and I left the dressing rooms feeling a bit less than pretty. I hate the lighting in those joints, and those mirrors, what?! Are we in a carnival. Those stupid mirrors make me look sooooo much bigger than I really am.

The only thing good about the shopping spree is that the family went with me BUT Dave took them to the play area. So, it was family time but only in between stores. Kind of my perfect experience. Anyway, while I was there I got sucked into that kiosk that sells flatirons. Every mall has that kiosk. Truth be told, I was actually in the market for a flatiron so I just let them do their thing. I just sat there and listened to their spiel and let them fix my hair. I love having someone else fix my hair. So while I was sitting there, the guy says to me "Hey, do you like short hair or long hair?" Well, long hair since I HAVE short hair. That's how works right?

So, this guy pulls out this box full of beautiful wavy shiny LONG hair. Oh, it's so gorgeous. I want it immediately. I have always wanted hair like that, but my head just doesn't produce it. He proceeds with clipping it in my hair. And I am stunned. I look so freakin' hot and stripper-esque. I went from having a blah bob to luscious locks in ten min and I was completely sold.... until he told me how much they were. I can't even mention it on here because it will make me nauseous. And that man, he could see in my sad eyes that I couldn't afford them. I was downtrodden. Really, I caught a glimpse of the super sexy me and now I was letting her go. Oh, so sad. But alas, my knight in shining armor did love me. He leaned in real close and whispered sweetly to me... "Don't tell anyone, but you can have them for BLEEP." Oh he does love me, after all he's risking his JOB by practically GIVING them to me. I just couldn't say no, I was getting such a great deal. They were more than half off. So, my cheeks were merry again and I left with my hoochie hair, my flatiron and a little more debt than I had bargained for.

Now, the only problem is that I STILL have no dress for the ball. But I have sexy hair, and if all else fails I will go to the gala all Eve-style with not but my luscious locks, carefully covering these dairy pillows. It's gonna be hot. I know, you want pictures. You will be amazed at how good a little bit of hair can make you look. Don't judge me too much, I was just about to get in the shower when I realized that Cooper didn't flush the toilet. Uhm GROSS! Of course, that's when Ashlyn snaps the picture. But you get the idea.

I know, it doesn't even look like me!

Let's see, in other news Dave and I are considering adoption. Since my uterus is determined to stay unemployed, we went ahead and started the paperwork. We really haven't done much, we just have to wait for the next scheduled orientation. Then the fun stuff starts. We'll have to go to several classes and complete a home-study. I'm actually really excited. A friend tells me the classes are really helpful, not just with the adoption but with parenting in general. I mean, I'm really a fantastic mother but you know, I could learn a few things. I'll make sure that I keep you all informed.

I can't remember if I updated you all on Dave's deployment status. As it turns out, he will not be leaving this week for 6 months. He's instead leaving in the Spring for a year. It so wishy-washy that I don't have a lot of faith in it. Or maybe, I'm just hoping it changes.. regardless, I'll hold off crying about it until his bags are packed. However, this time does seem to be more legit since he actually got the work-up orders. Ahhhh, I believe they will stick to this one. He's currently out in the field doing some sort of training. I'm making some great use of his time away. He's only been gone for about seven hours and already I have the house repainted. I know, you're thinking "wow, she's great" but really all I had to do was study for my midterm and Emmalyn did the rest. She is extraordinarily talented with a Sharpie marker. I think she gets it from me. She's such an artistic little helper, I just love her so much. However, I'm not sure that the color is right for our family so I'm considering going back to the original white. Thanks to my facebook friends, I've already got some great ideas. WD-40, hairspray, duct tape, tea tree oil, magic eraser, dry eraser... all good. Thanks friends! You're the best!


Ok, so not quite as cohesive as I wanted, but at the very least you got an update from the Snipes. Yea You! I think I'm going to go put on my ghetto hair extensions and dance around in front of a mirror. Does it look better curly? Wavy? Straight? In my face? Pulled back? I don't know, I don't know... so many choices. I love store bought sexiness.

At least I didn't get my face shot off.....

I'm sitting here on hold listening to some Mexican Elevator music wondering when the Nurse at Camp Pendleton's ER is gonna pick up the freakin' phone. I have nothing better to do while I wait so I thought that I would blog. Emmalyn is having some sort of allergic reaction that I can't figure out. She has a really bad rash all over face, back and neck and some swelling around her eyes. She is always doing this to me. Every time I just give her benadryl and it goes away, she never really scratches so I don't really think about it. BUT, this time she is miserable and scratching and very obviously not comfortable. So, I'm wondering... can I give my not quite two year old benadryl extra strength cream AFTER giving her liquid benadryl? I don't know, so I'm waiting.

Anyway, this brings me to the post that I wanted to write yesterday but didn't have time. And I know that one of my friends is going to think that I am writing this for them, but I am NOT. This is all about me and my personal feelings.

Lately, I have been feeling somewhat less attractive than I want. I just feel fat and yucky. I know that technically I have been losing weight, but really I feel like no matter how much I lose, I look the same. I'm not really going down in size and I don't feel prettier, so I'm bummed. For awhile, I was feeling good. I starting fixing my hair, dressing cute and even sometimes (not often) I would wear make-up. I know, crazy, right? Anyway, I think it was all the beautiful weather and sunshine in California. I just love it here! But, maybe now that the new has worn off and I am so absolutely acclimated to my new home, I'm starting to feel like my blah-self. I can't explain it. I'm not sad, I just look at other women and I immediately compare myself. I think, is she smaller than me? Do I look like that from behind? Is my butt seriously THAT big? I don't know, is it?

Well, we're going on a about a month of feeling like this. But just this last week I had this life changing epiphany. It was life-altering, it was PROFOUND. So, like most epiphanies, mine happened watching Oprah. I know, cliche', I should write in and get a spot on her show. I don't even know how all her shows showed up on my DVR. I never watch Oprah, but for some reason all her new shows are recording. Whatever. Ok, so I'm going through the Oprah shows on my DVR and I see a show about a lady that had her face shot off. Seriously, her face was completely shot off by her husband.

Hold on, I'm seriously still on hold. I'm gonna hang up and call a different number.

Well, I'm on hold again, but I was at least put on hold by a real person. Step in the right direction.

Now, the lady with the shot off face. So as I was saying, it was completely gone. It was horrible. Her husband just pulled a shotgun out and shot her in the FACE! Can you believe that? I can't. I saw the pictures and I still can't. It is so hard to imagine that kind of cruelty that I just kept looking at her wondering when the joke was going to be over. It's just unimaginable. And there this lady was, sitting on the Oprah stage with a new weird looking face. She was the first person in America to receive a face transplant. I'm not really sure how I feel about that, the whole seeing your dead sister's face one day, walking around on a stranger's body. I don't know, don't you think that is a bit creepy. But it's heart wrenching, because then you put yourself in that lady's place and you NEED a face. There are so many moral and emotional dilemmas going on here, it's hard to know what you'd do.

So anyway, I'm watching this lady and she is drooling and swollen and obviously still disfigured. Not too terribly, but to a passerby there is something wrong with her. She has a glass eye on her right, and her left eye is so badly damaged that it is practically blind. Her jaw was rebuilt from metal because the damage was irreparable. The really sad part was when they showed the photos of her before the attack. She was pretty, not gorgeous, but pleasant looking. Like me. Not ugly, but not gorgeous. Just you know...ok. Then it hit me. OH.MY.GOSH! She was me, well, not me, but she was like me. She probably compared herself to other women and wondered how she stood up. Maybe she didn't, but my guess is she did. And even though she was pretty, she probably thought she was lacking in something.

Ok, so here is the really profound part... she is so HAPPY and pleasant. She isn't bitter and full of self-loathing. She was really kind and thoughtful and genuinely happy to be alive. The thing is, I don't know that I would be in that situation. Would I rather die than to live with my face shot off? I honestly, can't answer that. Isn't that horribly sad?! What is wrong with me, am I so riddled with pride that I can't be happy just to be alive? I hate that about myself. BUT, the fact that I would be so tormented by that.... I'm actually much happier with what I have. You know, when I was getting ready last night to go out with Dave I actually said to myself...'At least I didn't get my face shot off.' And strangely, that made me feel much better.

What's Been Goin' On?

I'll tell you what's been goin' on.... a whole freakin' lot! I have so much that I am going to quickly list them all.

Here goes:

My mother-in-law came to visit. (Happy)

I got strep throat. (felt like crap)

I shared a Pepsi with mil. (Before I knew I had strep throat)

I gave mil strep throat. (Sorry, Mom!)

I started school.(Finally!)

I was called into the Primary Presidency. (totally stoked)

Found out Dave was NOT leaving for 12 months in March. (Halle-freakin-lujah)

Found out Dave was leaving for 6 months in a one month. (I'll take it with a smile)

Gave my first sharing time in Primary. (I'm not nearly as stoked)

Soccer season started. (Here is where I scream)

Katrina beat me in a weigh-in. (CRAP)

I beat Dave in a weigh-in.(Ah yeah, baby)

We bought a miniature schnauzer. (I scream AGAIN)

Cooper was baptized. (I cannot tell you how wonderful that was to witness)

I made a 100 on my first Microbiology Lab test. (Whoooohooooo!)

I gave a talk in church. (I suck at public speaking)

We had Heather and Seth over for dinner. (I love my friends)

Emmalyn had an allergic reaction to legumes. (Are you freakin' kidding me?!)

I played Halo2 with my brother. (FUN times)

I played Halo3 with Kiyomi. (Some more fun times)

I beat Katrina in a weigh-in. (Take that fool :-D)

I beat Dave in a weigh-in. (Big surprise... he's no longer losing)

Found out Dave wasn't getting deployed in a month for 6 months. (UGH! Make up your mind USMC)

Found out Dave will likely get deployed in the spring for a year. (AAAAAHHHHHH! Seriously?!)

I studied too much for my Microbiology test. (Tired/Stessed/Anxious)

I rocked my first Micro test with a 98.1. (I'm TOTALLY stoked)

And that brings you up to date.

Not-So Glamour Shots

HeeeHeeee! I had to share this! If any of you ever have a day where you think you have the worst hair in the world... uhm, think again! That title belongs to me! Even paid professionals couldn't make it less frizzy. Can you believe that we paid for these? I look like I was playing dress-up on the set of Golden Girls. I cannot believe that this was the best they could do with me. Seriously?! I remember looking at this picture and for the first time, realizing that I had my dad's nose (Notice the lack of space between my nose and my upper lip)

You mama says you ugly, you ugly!

Terrible, No Good, Worst day EVER!!!!!

If there was an award for the worst non-fatal day in the world... YESTERDAY would win it for me! I may lose some of you in all the VA details, but they are a vital part of what made yesterday so horrible. I'm going to rehash it all for you, and frankly, I still tear up talking about.

Some of you may know that I am one class away from nursing school. I have been one class away for a year now, but with 3 military moves to 3 different states... I have not been able to get that class in. All I need is Microbiology, that's it, that's all that stands between me and Nursing School. So, when I got to California I finally had a shot to get that class. The one problem is that by the time my registration date came (new students are low priority), all the classes were full. My counselor told me to just show up to all the classes and petition to get in. Monday was the first class. 

I showed up to class on Monday and waited for 2 hours to find out that I could NOT get the class. I was devastated, but I had one more shot. I could still get into the Tues/Thurs class. So I leave the school, bummed but hopeful. On the way home, I got a call from Heather's husband. I should have known not to answer... he's in the Bishopric and they NEVER have good news. But, I did answer. And, let me tell ya... I regret it! He asked me to speak in church on Sunday. GAH! You've got to be kidding me! I should have said no, I wanted to say no... but I CAN'T say no. So, I said yes. I continued home even more stressed.

When I got home, Dave immediately informs me that something is wrong with Emmalyn's ear. She's been running a fever and now it seems that white stuff is coming out of her ear. CRAP! She has an ear infection. My poor sweet baby! 

Well, that night I barely slept at all. I was so stressed about that class. Not only is Micro my only class left and if I don't get it this semester then I have to wait another 5 months to apply for nursing school... BUT without that class I don't qualify for my Veteran's Benefits for school. Basically, I need to take MORE than 6 credits to get my benefits. They can't be just any 6 credits, they have to be required credits for the degree. They have to actually be on the degree plan, or the VA will not pay. Without micro, I only have 5.5! So all night I try to figure out what I should do about class.

I woke up the next morning so freakin' tired. I immediately made Emmalyn's appointment. Then I called the VA, who, after several attempts NEVER answered their phone. So I had to settle for calling the VA representative at the school. I did however, have a plan. I was going to ask for an exemption. I was going to request that they approve Nutrition as an acceptable course. It is after all on the Nursing Department's Recommended list. If they approve it, then I would have more than enough credits. 

I knew when I called them that I needed to speak to the head honcho. No one else has the authority to waive a class. Actually, my last school did this very same thing. The school makes the final decision so it's kind of subjective. I was very confident. 

So I called and immediately requested to speak to Don, the main guy. But for some reason they sent me to someone who claims he is Don. I knew it wasn't, because Don is an old man and this guy is young. But whatever, I wasn't going to make an issue. He would soon find out that he can't help me and let me talk to Don anyway. I just spill it out, I tell him how I'm only 1 credit away from my benefits and without my benefits I have to pay for school and childcare out of pocket. I told him how Nutrition is on the recommended list, so the Nursing School obviously WANTS me to take it. But this guy is really short with me and just says "No, we don't do that."

"Uhm. OK, well, I've had it done at different schools."

"Well, we don't make the rules, the VA does. And we can't approve a class unless it's required."

"I know you don't make the rules, but you approve the classes. Can't you make an exception?"

"So you're asking me to break the rules for you?"

"No, I'm asking you to consider an exception?"

"We don't have exceptions?"

"Ok, can I just talk to the manager?"

"No."

"Excuse me? I want to talk to someone in charge to make sure."

"I just told you the answer, you don't need to talk to anyone else"

"I'm sorry, what is going on here. Who are you?"

"I'm Tony."

"Tony, I asked to speak to Don to begin with. He is the only one that can help me. Please let me talk to him."

"Hold on......(he puts me on hold and comes back) "Don said that no we don't do exceptions."

"Can I just talk to him?"

"No, he's busy and I already told you the answer."

"Can I just be connected to his voicemail?"

"No, but I'll take your name and number and have him call you."

"Can I be transferred to the receptionist?"

"No, but i'll take your name and number."

"I don't want to give you my name and number, I want to be connected to his voicemail. I don't have very much confidence in the fact that you will give him the message."

"Well, I'm not transferring you."

(What the crap, man! This goes on for a while, and I'm totally confused! I 

don't know what his deal is, but he won't let me talk to anyone else. I finally just hang up on him and call back, hoping to get someone else. A lady answers.)

"Can I speak to Don please?"

"Are you the lady who was just on the phone with Tony?"

"Yes."

"All I can do is take your name and number."

"What in the world is going on here. I don't understand why you refuse to let me talk to someone else. All I want is voicemail."

"I don't even know if his voicemail is on, let me check." (she puts me on hold for a second) "It's on, I'll transfer you."

FINALLY! But by the time I get connected, I'm crying. I can barely speak coherently as I leave my message, so I'm not certain he'll even understand me. But, whatever. I finally got transferred. I mean,seriously, I have never been treated so poorly! The worst part is that these are the people that sign off on my classes, I can't make them mad! 

Of course, I reported it all to the Human Resource department. I spoke to some lady named Teddi that really sympathized with me and made me feel better. After all, I wasn't upset that he was not giving me the answer I wanted, I was upset with the way I was treated. It was horrible. 

Ok, so by the time that fiasco was over it was time to take Emmalyn to the doctor. I was already running a little late, so I just rushed out the door. I pulled up about 5 min before her appointment time. Whew, I made it... but wait, I can't find my wallet. Crap, I left it at home. I left it at home with her medical record. You have got to be kidding me. They won't see you if you don't have your military id. Dang it, this day is horrible and it is only 11. I unload Emmalyn and head in so that I can talk to them and maybe reschedule. That's when I noticed that Emmalyn had apparently entertained herself while I was on the phone by marking all over herself with a pen. She had marks on her legs, arms, face and hands. And guess what, I forgot to put shoes on her! What did I do to deserve this? I walked in all frazzled, and out of breath with a dirty shoeless kid and begged for mercy. Fortunately, they allowed me to keep the appointment, I'm sure to check for other signs of neglect and abuse.  The doctor comes in and quickly tells me that Emmalyn has ear infections, both ears but not too bad. She needs antibiotics and a decongestant. That's great, since I have no military id to pick up those prescriptions. Whatever, I just called Dave and told him to get them on the way home.

I finally get home just in time to eat and head out for my appointment. My doctor's appointment was about 40 min away and I wasn't really sure how to get there, so I had to leave a little early. The appointment was at 2:15. I arrived at 1:30. The problem here is that I'm in a medical complex and I have no idea where my appointment is. I decided to go the main hospital and ask someone. I guess I entered in from the back, because I was walking around for ten minutes before I came up to the main lobby. I asked the reception where I needed to go and, of course, I was in the wrong building. She says that the quickest way was to go out the front door and turn right and head back down the hill and I would see the white building. Ok, easy enough. 

I headed out the front door, turned right and started down the hill. There was no sidewalk so I was just walking in the grass. I was just minding my own business when whooooa, holy crap... I'm sliding, NO I'm falling down the hill! I FELL down the hill. I finally come to a stop at the bottom of the hill and I'm COVERED in mud. Well, I'm not covered, but my shoes and pants are. I get up and tried to shake a little of the mud off when I notice the man in the truck. He's just sitting there, watching me, FREAKIN' smiling. UGH! Immediately, my eyes kind of tear up and I know at that moment, nothing good will ever come of this day. 

So, quite humbly, I make it to the doctor's office. I'm sweaty from my hike, muddy from my fall, and frazzled from my day. I was a sight. I had no problem finding the doctor's office, but when I went to turn the knob.... it was locked! What in the world, it's 1:45 and they are closed. No way! It was kind of weird, the door didn't have any windows so I though maybe it was just the doctor's personal office and maybe the clinic was somewhere else. So I went back downstairs, out the front of the building to get reception on my phone. I called the office and it turns out that they are closed for lunch until 2. Ok, no big deal.... just enough time to find a bathroom and clean up. I went in search of the bathroom. I finally found one and went to turn the knob. It's freakin' locked! I was standing there, willing the person to finish and praying they weren't in there with the runs because I needed to get in there before 2. I was standing there for about two minutes when I read the sign. "Please get the restroom key from your physician's office" AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! You have got to be kidding me. That's fine, but oh wait.... my physician is having a late lunch and I'm still muddy from my roll down the hill. (Who ever heard of a medical clinic locking their bathroom doors. That's usually reserve for super ghetto convenience stores. Do they have a problem with vandals or toilet paper thieves?)

I went back up to the doctor's office. The door was STILL locked so I had to wait outside. Of course, there were no chairs so I just plopped down on the floor. I'm still sitting there teary-eyed, sweaty, muddy and miserable when they called me in. All I could think was "Please don't notice my shoes, please don't notice my shoes." They were caked in black mud and heavy and leaving tracks everywhere I went. But what does the lady say as I'm walking in? "Oh, I have those very same shoes."

I just sighed and let out a weak "But probably cleaner." And I started to cry. I just sat in the waiting room, just crying. I don't normally cry, but tears were just rolling down my cheeks. I wasn't sobbing hysterically or sniffling... I was just crying. I was miserable and at that moment, I hated my life.

Well, I left the doctor's office sometime after four, following my own muddy tracks back outside. I had to be at school at 5, so there was no time to go home. I had to go straight to my class. I didn't have time to eat, to change, or to even clean up. I just had to go as I was: sticky, sweaty, stinky, and stained. I was defeated. I had no hopes of getting into that class, but I had to try. 

Now, this is the one bright spot in my day. I ran into the Dean of the Science Department and I think he took pity on me. He spoke to me, looked at my transcripts and told me he would try to get me in. About an hour later, I got a call from the Dean and I was in fact, getting my Micro class. Ah yeah!  I instantly felt better. I still had to sit through 4 hours of class with bloodshot eyes, muddy shoes, muddy pants, sweaty frizzy hair and an empty stomach.... but I got MICROBIOLOGY!!!!!!! Whooohooooo!

Around 9:30pm, I headed home, so thankful that the day was almost over. I mean, how could it get any worse right? Oh, but it does. A little after I got home, I decide that I'm ready to go to bed. So Dave and I head to our room and he shuts the door. We change into jammies and lay down and he turns to me and says "I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, please, can it wait until tomorrow. I'm beat."

"No, it's kind of important."

"Ok."

"So, you know how I had that meeting today?"

"Yes."

"Well, I ran into Nate before the meeting and he said my name is on the board."

(I was kind of confused, I had no idea what "on the board" was code for. I just waited for him to finish)

He clarified, "The board for the deployment."

It hits me, "Oh. When are you leaving?"

"March, for a year."

My heart sank. I was done. I couldn't even process it. I just laid there and I couldn't breath. I felt like someone just put a ton of bricks on my chest. All I could think about was how much of our lives he was going to miss. He was going to miss so much. Emmalyn may not recognize him when he gets home. I'm sad, probably more sad than I've ever been. I've known this was a possibility, but I guess I just didn't realize how real of a possibility. 

So there you have it, the perfect ending to the perfect day. I'm officially going into hiding. 

I'm only 31 for goodness sake!

Did anyone else feel old watching Seventeen Again? I certainly did. I was so confused because I thought it started in the present. They looked hip and current to me. I guess I was expecting the flashbacks to look fifties-ish. I mean, really, has it been that many years since I was in High School. All their clothes and cheerleading uniforms look like my old high school pictures. It was kind of unnerving. Seriously.

Then at the end, when they were showing old pictures of all the cast and crew... it was like looking at my high school annual. Are directors, and actors and producers REALLY my age. Can someone as young as me really be that successful? I guess so, maybe I chose the wrong path......NAH, but I do feel fairly old and unaccomplished now. 

Round One: Us... Round Two: Them... Round Three: ?

Oh wow, it was an interesting night. I'm telling you, CRAZY! So let's start at the beginning.

Earlier today my friend, let's call her Sally, invited me and the kids over for dinner (YUMMY TOSTADOS). Her husband had some late night stuff to do and Dave is on the ship, so we thought it would be nice to get together and watch a movie. So we show up around 6, and the kids go into overdrive. They haven't seen each other in a while so they just went nuts on us. Cooper was chasing all the girls, her middle child was practicing opera, and all the babies were crying. I'm not gonna lie, it was chaotic. 'Sally' and I were really trying to keep them quiet since her neighbors are an elderly couple and they have been known to come over and complain. No big deal, they're kids and we're doing the best we can. This elderly couple have no children, and you will soon realize how much of a blessing that is. They are evil!

So around seven we bring all the kids in to watch a movie. The bigger kids are all inside, but we notice her neighbor standing on the ledge looking over into her yard. Their driveway is elevated about two feet so it looks down into Sally's yard. So, Sally sees him and says "Uh Oh" and goes immediately to diffuse the situation. Her two youngest were hanging on to her leg, so I go to bring them in for the movie. They kind of fuss a bit, so I let them be. I go in with all the other kids. I leave Sally standing there, with two small children to fend for herself. Not a good idea.

THEN, I hear the man yell something at Sally, and she starts to raise her voice. I knew that things were getting heated so I went to grab the little kids and check on Sally. I was kind of worried, because the man looked a bit unstable. I headed out there just in time to hear the man tell Sally that if she couldn't handle all these kids then she shouldn't have had so many. I was furious. I mean, how dare he talk to her like that. There was no way that I was going back in after that. So I stepped outside.... and it all went down hill.

Me: Whoa, sir, you really need to calm down. And let's just talk about this.

Crazy Man: Who the hell are you? I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Sally.

Sally: She's my friend.

Crazy Man: I don't care who she is this is none of her business. What are you running here anyway, a *vulgar word starting with an f* daycare. You have too many kids running around acting crazy.

Me: Look, you need to calm down. There is no reason to talk like that to her, we're getting all the kids inside now to watch a movie.

Sally: I'm doing the best I can, I'm trying to raise a family here.

Crazy Man: You shouldn't have so many kids. One, maybe or Two, maybe but any more than that you can't handle. You have all these 'midgets' running around acting crazy. I've heard it all day and I won't take it anymore. All your kids do is scream, you have that one that doesn't do anything but scream.

Sally: I don't know where this is coming from, we just got here a few hours ago and my youngest fell down a few times. I'm sorry if they were too loud. But they are just kids.

Crazy Man: We've lived here for 40 years and we have to live here. You need to find a place where you can afford to live and get out of here.

Me: You know sir, you are acting like a child so you need to send over your wife. She might be more compassionate since I'm sure she's tired of taking care of you. (shouldn't have said that, kind of made me look like an idiot, but I was so mad)

Crazy Man: You are just F*%$ing B@&ches and I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Sally: You are acting ridiculous, you are screaming vulgarities at us in front of our children. (Both of Sally's youngest were standing at the glass door crying, they were so scared)

Crazy Man: Look at your children crying, you can't even take care of them, you're both losers.

Then the wife appears

Crazy Lady: Sally, we have told you we can't handle the noise. It's just all day every day and we don't say anything until it reaches a point where we just can't take it.

Sally: I understand that, but I thought we had this resolved. We haven't been here long, we are just trying to visit with friends.

Crazy Lady: I thought we did too, but it has been awful these past few days. (The whole time her husband is yelling at us from behind her, saying something about how we can't afford our own house, he's calling Sally's landlord, her husband needs to be at home more, just absurd things)

Me: Your husband needs to quit attacking her, and yelling obscenities when the children are around.

Crazy Lady: Who are you, I'm not talking to you. You are not involved here.

Me: When your husband called my children midgets and told me that I shouldn't have any more, I became involved.

Crazy Lady: I'm talking to Sally and it doesn't concern you.

Obviously, I was making things worse so I backed off. I really just wanted to calm things down. I had no idea that they were going to get so angry with me. So, Sally and Crazy lady talk it through and it all calms down. But not because they were apologetic at all, it was because Sally was just letting it go. So when they are done I asked the lady if I could say something. I just wanted to apologize, because I felt sorry for her. Her husband was acting like an idiot and she was trying to diffuse the situation. She said no and that I needed to mind my own business. I told her, I understand that and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for letting it escalate and that Sally did tell the kids to be quiet. But crazy lady wasn't having any of it. She hated me and she was not going to listen to me.

Of course, she hated me, because the last time they came over and attacked Sally she was alone. And they thought she was alone this time. Sally's husband had just left not ten minutes earlier and they even said they heard him leave and he was so loud. They said that he always comes home playing monster with the kids and making it all worse. Can you believe they said that?! They said that they were listening to it all day, but they wait until he leaves to come and verbally accost Sally. What a couple of bitter old geriatrics.

So, Sally and I go in, kind of riled up. We are so irritated with them and all the mean things they said. They just started to get hateful and said horrible things in front of the kids. There was so much more to the exchange than I could recount. It was crazy, but I gave you all the bits I could remember.

We are still pretty hyped up when Sally's husband gets home. Sally starts relaying the story and I'm totally backing her up and he's just taking it all in. Then he hears the part about how CRAZY MAN calls us "F... B...." and he is livid. He just sits there all quiet and at first, Sally and I wonder if he thinks we are stupid. But, it turns out he is just furious. He is so mad he can't think and he heads over to the neighbor's house.

By this time, it is about ten at night. So I'm sure the neighbors are sleeping. He bangs on the door, and the crazy man came out. We'll call Sally's husband Jack for the purpose of this post. So Jack tells the man if he has a problem with his wife and children he needs to come to him, and not assault his wife. That crazy man actually said to Jack, I called your wife a "f.... b... and I'll say it again." Or maybe he says "he won't say it again" I'm not entirely sure. But he continues to bash the children and Jack loses it and starts yelling at the old man. He tells him that he is a coward for attacking two women with children.(Sally and I were so proud of him, our knight and shining armor. He was laying down the law and we loved it. Thanks JACK, our superhero! We are so proud of you!)

That's when crazy man says that Sally and I were liars, and that he didn't yell at us. And that makes Jack even more mad. Crazy lady is out now and says he never yelled. What the crap! He was a belligerent fool earlier and now they are trying to back track. Too bad we have a houseful of children that witnessed the whole thing! Jack tells crazy man that his wife isn't such a reliable source and that he believes us over her. AND that they need to come to him from now on. Well, then the fools make a comment about how Jack wasn't home, that they watched him leave and they didn't know when he would be back since he was NEVER home. Ok that was just stupid on their part, because it really infuriated Jack even more. He made some comment about if they ever assault his wife again there will be bigger problems. That's when they told him to get off their property.

So, Jack left their yard by jumping the side the gate (since it was locked) and told the old man to quit being such a coward and to deal with him from now on. That's when the police showed up.

So, now we have the police. They came up and started talking to the couple first. They were there only briefly before they came over to us. The really hard part is we could hear the couple change their tones. They immediately switched gears and were acting all innocent and elderly. Whatever, we are on to you, crazy loons. They start actually lying about the whole thing. It was so hard to sit there and listen to them, knowing they were lying. In their feeble minds, they actually believe they are right.

The thing is, the police totally agree with Jack. They said they would have been upset too, but the problem is since he said "deal with me or there will be bigger problems" it can be construed as a threat and he could be arrested. Holy freakin' smokes things just got serious! Sure we could file charges against them for verbal assault but it is just a citation, Jack could go to jail. It is so not fair. They came over attacking Sally and Jack could be the one in jail. Luckily, the cops talked the old couple down. But we did get a little chit chat in with the cops before they left, and they were sympathetic to our plight. Apparently one of them has five children, so he knows how hard it is to keep them quiet. So they left, but told Sally that the next time the neighbors come over to call them immediately. Which I guess we should have done in the first place, but we were just in shock.

So all is now calm, but it was a crazy night! I don't remember when I've been around so much drama. It was all COPS-like with neighbors hanging out watching the action. What's odd is that Sally is usually the crazy one. She is so melodramatic and hardcore, and Jack is the mellow one. He never seems to get his feathers ruffled, but Sally, she's a whole different story. I say melodramatic and hardcore in the nicest possible way, since I love her and she's a dear friend. But when she told me that her neighbors had come over before acting wild, I thought she was just exaggerating.... but oh no, she's was spot on. They are crazy! Poor Sally!

She certainly makes if fun, that's for sure. You know the really funny part is Sally's oldest daughter had a friend over and that little girl's mom decided to come and pick her up right in the middle of the whole shakedown.... Cop lights flashing, bystanders lurking and Me, Sally and Jack all caught up in the middle of it. I doubt she'll be over again anytime soon :-)

But, I will say that I probably made it worse. They were so mad that I was there defending her, but you know what... who cares. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I'm not going to stand by while they yell and insult her in front of her children. And I think that Jack was entirely justified by going over there and telling them the what-for. They need to know that they can't get away with that. But what do I know, I'm just some lady that had too many children and can't afford a house of my own.

ok, Fine Dena

You know what Dena, you are a pest. But, I guess I like you so I am gonna blog. I haven't been blogging, because I don't really have a lot to say about something... but I have something to say about a lot. So, here is one of those lists.

1. I am currently in my reading mode. I do this, I read all the time for about a month and then I might not read a single book for several months. It's kind of weird, but I just can't get enough of books right now. I'm about to finish Thirst no. 1 by Christopher Pike. It's a bit like the Twilight series only better in my mind. It was written in the early nineties so it isn't a copycat series. I like it. But, I'm really kind of irritated because after this book I really want to read The Time Traveler's Wife. I can't find that silly book anywhere. Apparently everyone else in Southern California would like to read that book. So, if any of you have it and wouldn't mind loaning it to me... I would love to read it! Puhlease!


2. Dave left yesterday for a couple of weeks. Not that big of a deal, but in the evenings I'm lonely. I don't really like television anymore and I just sit around wishing Dave was here to talk to. I guess that's why I'm reading so much.

3. Emmalyn is potty trained. Can you freakin' believe that!? She is 21 months old and she potty trained herself. Don't ask me how it happened, because I'm just as baffled as you! I bought a toilet seat for her a while ago with the intention of putting her on it occasionally to get her used to it. I put her on it a couple times but didn't think much of it. About a month later she asked to go potty. I didn't understand her even though it sounded just like she said potty. I was just confused since I wasn't expecting her to say "potty." Anyway, I put her on it and she went. Then slowly over the next couple of days she started going "potty" every ten minutes. Now, she WON'T go in her diaper. I know that I should be happy about this, but I'm beyond annoyed. She is only 21 months and her bladder is the size of a grape. We go "potty" at least every ten minutes. It is so much trouble, I wish she would just go in her diaper. Is that bad?! Finally, I broke down and bought her panties and she hasn't had an accident yet. She even poops in the potty, I swear she is a potty savant. She even asks for a book when she knows she's gonna be there a while. So adorable, but a serious pain!

4. I have a lot of family coming down this week. My parents and my brother and his wife and three kids. That's SEVEN people coming to visit! I'm excited, but nervous. I know that Pawpaw is really only heading this way to kidnap my little redhead. I'm working on some safety measures to prevent this. While they are here I'm gonna hide "Blanket" and they will see her fury in full force. She is a redhead and hell hath no fury like that of a redheaded two year old. If that isn't a deterrent, I'm gonna go to a Dr. Appointment while they are here. They will be responsible for the four thousand potty trips. They are going to be exhausted. And finally, if nothing else works... I'm gonna shave her head. I'm fairly certain it's her red hair that endears her to them. Wish me luck!

5. Last week I won my weigh in with Katrina. Actually, I pretty much kicked her butt :-). I lost six pounds in two weeks. Not bad, if I do say so myself. I got a nice roasted chicken breast sub from Subway for my efforts. It was yummy. However, I lost my weigh-in with Dave. Bummer. But I recovered this week and beat him. He gained weight again. He's such a slacker. But, I think I'm going up as well. I've eaten like crap lately. This worries me, because Katrina has pulled out the big guns.... her WW manuals! I'm pretty sure I'm losing my weigh-in next week. Again, wish me luck!

6. Our neighbors are moving and I'm totally sad about it. They are awesome neighbors. Always cheerful, and quiet. Their oldest daughter is so sweet. She's seven but she acts and talks like a 13 year old. She just finished the Harry Potter books. Smart, that little cookie! I'm also going to miss them because Tina, the mom, is an awesome cook. She sends over cool dips and cakes. I got a yummy pumpkin fruit dip from her yesterday and it is delish! I'm gonna miss them!

7. I taught CTR 5 this Sunday. And I learned something very important about myself... I'm not cut out to be a teacher. I had 10 5/6 year olds all to myself and it was hard. I don't know how kindergarten teachers to it. Those kids are wild!

8. I really really want a printer and a new camera. My ninth anniversary is coming up, maybe Dave will get them for me. I hate having all these posts and no pictures. I promised Jess that as soon as I get them, I will scan old pictures of myself. Oh my gosh, I had some crazy hair and some even crazier glasses. All I can think of is Carol off of growing pains. Junior High was pretty awkward for me. I looked like crap with crazy curly hair and big coke bottle lenses. It's gonna be ugly, but I owe it to you guys for always reading with out any pictures.

9. I realized something about myself recently.... I can't lie. I used to lie all the time. I had all of TCU convinced that I spoke Dutch and was an heir to the Wal-Mart fortune. But as I got older, I realized I just can't do it. And it gets me in trouble. I tend to tell the truth even if it hurts and even if it is an ugly truth. I would rather tell the truth and be embarrassed than lie and be known as a liar. It's kind of a curse, I guess I hurt peoples feelings that way. I don't mean it, I just feel like you know the truth and if I lie... I just look like an idiot. Whether that is the case or not, I'm not sure. But, the truth is, if you want honesty.... ask me. I'll tell you. I don't think answering honestly is all that bad, but where I get into trouble is telling my honest opinion even when it isn't asked. So, I'm gonna work on that. But be forewarned, if you ask me... I'll tell you the truth whether you like it or not. Sorry, in advance.

10. My daughter is sitting in the living room with all her bike riding gear on: helmut, knee pads, and elbow pads. She is six and I haven't taught her. Cooper is eight and I haven't taught him either. I know, it's horrible. I feel like a jerk, but it hurts my back. It really hurts my back. I think that I'm gonna invent some sort of attachment that extends up from the seat so that people don't have to bend down so much. I could make millions! I should be outside with her, teaching her, but I'm here blogging to Dena. Poor Ashlyn, I will tell her it's all your fault Dena.

11. I'm done.

Weigh-In Numero 1

Since my eldest has pink-eye, I am blogging instead of sitting in Relief Society right now. I'll make sure to read my scriptures when I'm done :-)

This week, I was very diligent with my diet. I ate healthier, but I mainly just controlled my portions. I've never really eaten too much junk. I just eat large portions. That was my first goal, to fix my portions. Next week, I'm gonna work on the exercise.

So, I woke up today a little nervous. I knew I had a weigh-in today. I know that there isn't a lot riding on these little weekly weigh-ins, but if I don't lose during the week... I don't lose. I not only wanted to lose more than Dave, I just wanted to LOSE! So I weighed myself (after I peed and stripped down to my birthday suit), and YIPPEEEEEE!!!!! I lost 3.6 lbs in one week! That's great! Way more than I expected. So that means Dave would have to lose 5 lbs! I was feeling good!

I immediately (after getting dressed) went to find out what Dave lost. I was nervous, but confident. 3.6 pounds is good, but not great. And it turned out, I was nervous for no reason AT ALL. Dave freakin' gained 2 lbs. What the heck! I'm thinking he isn't taking this very serious. I guess that's fine. Hello ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS! I'm feeling pretty good! Now, Dave has to lose twice as much weight as I do to WIN!

I was feeling good for about ten minutes. Dave got up to complete his mid-morning poo (I've never met anyone more dadgum regular), and cut his hair. After both, it turns out that he is now down 1.5 pounds from his ORIGINAL weight! Are you freakin' kidding me, he dropped 3.5 in the ten minutes since I weighed-in. It took me a week to lose 3.6 pounds, it took him a poo and a hair cut to lose 3.5!!!! So not fair! I'm still good since he is technically only down 1.5, but I'm scared now!

I'm definitely adding some running this week! Wish me luck! I think I'm gonna need it!

The Biggest Loser.... Bonnie Style!

I know, it's another post about weightloss..... AGAIN! What can I say? I am obsessed with losing weight. It's all-consuming, well maybe not ALL-consuming since I rarely think about it when I'm eating Dave's famous chocolate chip cookies. But soon after, it's at the forefront of my mind.

In the beginning before Cooper, I was at a svelte 114 and lookin' good. Crazy that I thought I was fat then, silly insecure girlie. Unfortunately, I don't think it's realistic to get to that point again, but I would like to be within' 10 pounds of it! I was getting very close in Texas, but didn't quite make it. Bummer!

During the move to California, Dave and I put on a little weight. It's hard not to on those long road trips. We HAVE to eat out every meal and we like to eat quick. I think we all know what 3 days of fast food means for the hips. That's not including the gallons of soda we drank to keep our eyes open. It was rough! Then once we got here, we had to live out of a hotel for a few days until our house was ready and our furniture was delivered. So,all in all, it was about a week of eating out. I like math so let's break it down... that's 21 meals straight with very little fruits and veggies AND lots of saturated fat (I know, not much math in that)! Anyway, it ALL went to the Bootie! After all that hard work to look hot before Dave got home, it was ruined within a week of seeing him! CRAPOLA!

The only thing good about this situation is that Dave has found a few extra pounds too. He still looks HOT, but being a Marine he feels like he should be in the best shape of his life. He's hoping to drop a few too. So here we are, fat and unhappy (with our weight) and not very motivated. So I devise a plan. We need a friendly competition. Friendly, low key... BUT motivating. We have to keep it interesting.

The rules of the game:
We weigh-in every Sunday morning. First one to lose 10% of their total weight AND keep it off for a month.... WINS. The key is keeping it off. So if I lose it all, but two weeks later I've gained a pound... the month starts over after I lose that pound AGAIN. It's gonna be tough!

The prizes:

The trick to this competition is keeping Dave interested. He won't do the whole... I win- you do laundry or You win- I mow the lawn. He thinks this is unfair because, apparently, mowing the lawn is easier than laundry. Did he say that? Yes, he did. Now that he openly admits it, I wonder ALOUD why, if it is so easy, doesn't it ever get done. Tangent. I'll move on. So, I know the only thing that he really wants is a motorcycle. We can't really afford one now, but in January he's getting a big fat $900 raise a month! Oh yeah! He's found some decent starter bikes for under $1000, so that's perfect. So the winner gets the first month's pay difference, plus an extra $100 to make it a cool one THOUSAND! I'm thinking.... NEW WARDROBE!!!!!!

But, the really cool thing is.... I'm doing TWO games! I'm also playing with my pal Katrina. She already looks hot, but who doesn't love a friendly competition. So it's pretty much the same, but the rewards are OBVIOUSLY different. Katrina would ALWAYS want to be on top. So we're doing it for a pair of skinny jeans. Not skinny- like "EMO, look at my black fingernails", but skinny- like "Oh my gosh, you look skinny in those." So the first one that loses the determined weight gets new, fashionable, but highly economical jeans! We also have the little mini weigh-ins. So every other Monday we will meet at the gym, and the loser that day buys subway! I'm so excited, because according to Katrina her weight-loss plans include brownies and Taco Bell. I'm a shoo-in for sure! Unless, she's tricking and she's subsisting off carrots and celery. That's totally Katrina, she's shady.


So there it is, Biggest Loser Bonnie Style! I'm totally excited! I'll keep you updated, wish me luck!!!!!!!

Compliments, Cavities, The Word of Wisdom, and Superheroes!

I HAD to go to the dentist today. It had been way too long since my last visit and my teeth were feeling a little weak from the lack of attention. Can you believe that it had been 6 years since my last check-up. I KNOW!!!!!!! Way too long! See, the problem is that I HATE asking someone to watch my kids. So, I take my kids to every appointment. I take ALL my kids to EVERY appointment. That being the case, I tend to avoid appointments that make it difficult to watch my kids. So "lady" appointments are infrequent and dental ones are as well. It's really hard to watch the kids when you have your legs in stirrups or your lying upside down in a dentist chair. So when my family came down and my husband had a half day, I saw a perfect opportunity to treat my chompers to some much needed TLC.

After I shuttled the crew to the beach, I headed off to my 2:00 appointment. I arrived about ten minutes early, so I was kind of hoping to be in and out in a jiffy and join the fam at the beach. That was not the case. In fact, I was still sitting in the waiting room at 2:40! I was really starting to get irritated. Finally, at 2:50 they escorted me to my chair.

I got all my x-rays done immediately and the dentist was there to clean my teeth within 5 minutes. I was pretty impressed, not only did he show up quickly but a DENTIST was doing my cleaning. I was kind of wondering if they were giving me special treatment because I was so inconvenienced by the long wait. I was only wondering for a second because he immediately tells me how young I look.... "he can't believe that I have 3 kids!" Oh yeah, he's feeling guilty. But whatever, I'll take a compliment anyway I can get one. So I just smile and open my mouth. He looks around, no big deal, and he starts scraping and spraying and rinsing. He's looking around at my teeth and he says "Wow, your teeth are really white, really, they are a very nice color. There is no staining. You must not drink much tea or coffee." At this time, I would love to bear my testimony and give him a copy of The Book Of Mormon, but alas, my mouth is crammed full with saliva-suckers, mini-water hoses, and plaque scrapers. So I just grunt a no and retreat into my own thoughts on The Word of Wisdom and its health, spiritual, and NOW aesthetic benefits.

Twenty minutes later, my cleaning is over and a different doctor is sent to me for my check up. She seems pretty nice... she of course, commented on my beautiful pearly whites. She said... and I quote "you have beautiful teeth, did you have braces?" Why yes, yes I did. Thank you! She proceeded to tell me how wonderful the orthodontist did, that my teeth were straight and my bite was perfect. Ahhhhh, how sweet?! Now that I'm feeling giddy with self-confidence she moves on to business. She starts looking at my x-rays and spouting out numbers and acronyms, in quick succession. 4... MOL, 5.... MOD, 7...MOL, 13.... SOB, 14.... WTF! (That's What The Freak, profanicators!) I'm in shock! I have only had one cavity in my entire life, and it was when I was in Junior High! I've always had sensitive teeth, but there were never any cavities and now, I have a dang cavity for every year that I forwent the Dentist! Oh man, I have SIX cavities! I have sooooo many that they won't do them all in one day! I was mortified! I mean, I freakin' brush my teeth! I swear it! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I admit, I NEVER floss. I only floss about once a month, when I get popcorn stuck between my teeth. I make my kids floss, but I never do it. What makes the whole thing worse is the third degree I gave Coopdawg for the FOUR cavities he had last month. I went on and on and on about how he needed to brush his teeth longer than 1 minute and how he HAS to floss to protect his teeth. Don't I feel like a TURD! I feel like a nasty- two foot -curl around the bowl- TURD! Gah! It's horrible!

I was still reeling over this bad news when I left the dentist office. I am so embarrassed by my obvious lack of oral-hygiene skills! I immediately call Dave to tell him about my beautifully straight white ROTTEN teeth. I wanted him to tell me that I'm not trashy and that sometimes people have "soft" teeth and it's not a reflection of my hygiene! But, lo and behold, my dear husband wasn't freakin' answering his phone!! I hate that, when I have something to say, I need to say it then! So, I call my neice, who I know has her phone on her AND who is very near Dave on the beach. As predicted, she answered right away.

Me: "Hey, Morgan, where's Dave?" (irritated)

Her: "Oh, hold on a sec, he's saving some lady" (calm, almost blase')

Me: "What?!?!" (frantic)

Her: "Yeah, hold on, he's pulling her out of the water. Yeah, Yeah, ok, here he comes. I've never seen anyone swim so fast" (bored)

Me: "What the heck? (TOTALLY Confused)

Now Dave's on the phone:

Me: "What in the world is going on" (Anxious for juicy details)

Him: "Ah, nothing, some lady was having trouble, no big deal" (aloof)

Me: "Wait, what happened, did you save someone's life, you're a hero! (PROUD)

Him: "No! Gah, it was no big deal, she was just yelling help so I swam out and helped her to shore" (Irritated)

It isn't until I get home that I get the real story. So apparently, this lady swims out too far. The waves start pulling her further and further out and she's getting too tired trying to fight her way back. So she starts yelling "help, help" and my hero husband hears her cries and swoops in and gives her his boogy board. Like out of a Baywatch rerun, he pulls her to safety as she clings to his boogy board! All the while, the beach lifeguard is TEXTING!!! Can you believe it.... can you say LAWSUIT?!?! I think I'm gonna give her Austin's phone number. She might need some legal advice :-)

So, yeah, my husband is a hero! I'm always telling people he saves lives, but it's never been true before. He's a superhero... with supersonic hearing and Superfin swimming and Superhuman strength! I asked him if she tipped him or something, because let's be honest, we're running a little low these days, but apparently "real" heroes do it for no other reason than kindness. Whatever, we got bills to pay!

My Sister's Keeper!

I love to read! I don't really have much time for, in between all my computer games and kids, but I still love it! One of my favorite authors is Jodi Picoult (thanks to Sara W., who introduced her to me)! Well, my favorite of her books is My Sister's Keeper. I loved how conflicted it made me feel and how surprising the ending was. She did a wonderful job making the reader feel for everyone involved, even though they were all at odds with one-another. I really loved that about this book. 

So recently, the movie came out. I HATE seeing the movie versions, but I can't help going to them. It's crazy! It's like rubbing the knot on your head... it hurts but you can't help but poke it. Weird, I know. But it's just like that! I'm always so disappointed in the movie version, but I will always go and make sure. Sometimes, I'm pleasantly surprised. Such was the case in all the Harry Potters and The Notebook. But most of the time... I'm furious when I leave because they change the BEST parts. That was the case with My Sister's Keeper!!!

Spoiler Alert: Do not READ if you haven't read the Book!!

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So, my very favorite part of the entire book was the end. The way I was totally thrown for a loop and rolled over. Jodi Picoult did an awesome job of making you think the brother was the one in the crash... but NOOOO... it was ANNA! It was so crazy! The irony of it was awesome! We just went through numerous ups and downs while she fought for her right to NOT give Kate her kidney. She won her case but gave her sister her kidney anyway... postmortem. 

Can you freakin' believe that in the movie, they killed KATE! They didn't even put Anna in a wreck. I am so irritated! Kate died from Leukemia, not very unpredictable! I wasted 20 bucks on that stupid rendition! It's like the director didn't like the ending so he decided he would just change it all up! I'm still mad!

The problem isn't that they changed little insignificant parts... they changed the most important detail.  They changed the whole movie by changing the end. It's ridiculous! The majority of the audience had read the book and now they are walking away... utterly disappointed. I certainly was.

So it is my recommendation that all of you that have read it.... wait for the DVD. I know you'll be interested in it merely for the fact that I hated it, but DON'T waste your money on the Theater version. Watch it at home so you can scream with irritation in the privacy of your own home! 

The Evolution of My Game-Playing

I don't really consider myself as having an addictive personality. Most things are just luxuries that really could come or go, no big deal. But that is not the case when it comes to games. I love games... video games, computer games, card games, board games. When I find one I like, I play ALL the time. I have always been that way. It all strarted with this:

FROGGER!

Man, I remember playing Frogger on our Atari over and over. I loved that game, how the cars got faster and faster and the snakes would slide across. It was so nerve-wracking at the end, hoping that the alligator didn't pop up in his cubby at the last second. Oh and the thrill of catching that yummy fly! It was such a challenge in those days. I sometimes wish I had another go at it, now that my hand and eye coordination is honed. 

Then there was this:

TETRIS

TETRIS! This was the real deal! This was the first game that I played for hours and hours. I remember going to bed and only seeing these shapes. I remember the frustration of over-rotating, and the space-bar speed-up. I would lay in bed, moving shapes around behind my eyelids. It was my version of counting sheep. My family and I would play Tetris Tournaments, and we were all so good at it! I remember my Dad being awesome at it!

Several years passed and finally came this:

HALO2

Oh my gosh! I loved this game! This was the first game where I literally stayed up all night playing! I originally bought this game for Dave, but it only took me one time playing it that I quickly claimed it for myself. It was all I could think about for a year! Kiyomi and I even had a system link from her house to mine. We lived in a row of townhouses, with one neighbor between us. Her husband had a 100 ft ethernet cord that he ran out their window and across our neighbors back yard and into our window. It was awesome! We would wake up in the morning and play! Don't ask me who took care of the kids, because I seriously don't know! I even once played in a real Halo2 Tournament with my brother... we actually won $20 each. Not bad, for just having fun!

Well, I thought that I was done with games. After all, it has been years since I have found myself drifting off to sleep with the images of gaming graphics in my head. But then came facebook. I have always loved computer games, but the problem is they all cost money and I'm pretty much a cheapskate. But, recently, I noticed a free game on Facebook. 

(You cannot click here to play... go to facebook!)

Typing Maniac! It is so much fun! It's all about speed and typing and competition. I love it! I love everything about it. It pauses ever level so I can take care of my kids, it's free AND it's challenging. Now, when you check my profile on Facebook, most likely it will say "Bonnie Snipes is playing Typing Maniac. Wanna Play?"

I've been working on my skills! I'm pretty decent at it, so the next time you are on Facebook... I wanna challenge you!

Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?

So I was kindly informed that I needed to bog again, because my last post was too depressing. Well, here it is... just a boring old update on mi familia.

So, the kids are out for summer. It's weird too because it's actually not hot at all here. It hasn't broke 80 yet. But we aren't letting that spoil the fun. We still head to the beach and soak up some sun. I'm determined to be mucho tan before school starts back. I've already noticed the glimmer of bronze on my daughter's face and it makes me happy. Don't worry, I put sunblock on them. Poor Emmalyn looks like a mummy at the beach. I have her covered from head to toe. Her fair skin will likely cause her lots of trouble in the future and I'm in no hurry to start now.

Let's see, what else... I've enrolled in school. I'm a professional student now, I've been taking classes for 12 years! I seriously have enough credits for a doctorate, but with my fickle personality... I can't stick to one degree plan long enough to earn a worthwhile degree. I'm pretty sure Russian Language and Culture is a dead end. Time to move on to Nursing. Heather is gonna take classes too so she can pawn her kids off on me and I can do the same with her. That's the way it always starts. She wants to trade kids for classes, but then gradually it's for dr. appts then it's for dates then the next thing you know, her kids are calling you mama and she's in Tahiti. Whatever, I wanted a big family anyway.

Speaking of Heather, she's my newest friend. Donated by the great Jessica Lowe. So, Jess and I met in Virginia and hit it off. But unfortunately, she was sent to North Carolina and I to California. Bummer, I know. But, the fool calls me everyday and sometimes it's annoying. She's having a hard time adjusting to life sin migo. So she meets this awesome girl, Summer, there. And they start talking about how much they love good friends and naturally my name comes up... I know, it's sad. So, it turns out... Summer's BFF lives in San Clemente CA. CRAZY, Jess says, because MY BFF lives in San Clemente CA. So hundreds of miles away, a new friendship was blossoming. Jess calls me and says... "I have a friend for you." WHAT THE CRAP!!!??? I don't need your help with friends! Ok, so I DO need help because apparently I have a tendency to offend people with my overt honesty. I don't know why, sometimes it just comes out. Lindsey Lohan referred to as Word Vomit... I just like to call it Dialogue DooDoo. We all do it, but it should usually be done in private.

So, I decided to meet up with this Heather... and it turns out, we are in the same ward. Totally cool, she lives a couple miles from me. We get along great! We both like sports, we both like to read, we both have a gazillion kids, and we are both afflicted with Dialogue DooDoo, which is nice because once a DooDooer always a DooDooer and a DooDooer always loves company. Am I right, or am I right?

So, I'm living it up in California! I'm totally happy, which of course makes Dave happy, which makes the kids happy which in turn makes me happier. So things could not be better. Yea Me!

So, this is the deal...

I know that many of you have noticed a little change in my blog. I have changed the decor a bit, but I have also removed a couple of things. I took down my baby countdown and my last blog. Well, you are all probably smart enough to know why. Yesterday I started bleeding pretty heavily and eventually lost the baby. I know, I know, it's horrible! I am so bummed.

But here is the deal, I've done this before. It was the month before I got pregnant with Ashlyn. I was devastated. I only had Cooper and I was all squawly bawly and I just knew I'd NEVER get pregnant again. It was devastating. We had been trying for 9 months and I was frazzled. But this time, it was different. I have three beautiful babies now! I don't feel so isolated. Of course, at the hospital I was pretty bawly squawly but then my wonderful husband showed up with Emmalyn and I instantly felt better. How can I have a pity party when I have more than some women will ever have? I'm happy. I can make another baby. I've done it before. So maybe next month you guys will hear some more BIG and EXCITING NEWS! And maybe, just maybe... it will be twins! Let's keep our fingers crossed.

So I'm buying my P90X and I'm getting skinny! If I can't be FAT and PREGNANT, I certainly don't want to be FAT! So, I'm gonna work on my waistline. I'm gonna get my body healthy and ready for another baby!

Don't feel the need to comment your condolences. If you're reading this, I know you care so I've turned off my comments for this one blog.

(Jon & Kate) + 8 = Totally Awkward Season Premier

I know with all the sarcasm in the last post, one might think that I don't actually like TLC. I do! I love it! It is such a guilty pleasure. I can watch ladies giving birth in essentially the same way ALL day! I never get tired of it! Anyway, with all the hoopla about Jon and Kate, I felt like I really needed to see the season premier. It has been played up superbly!

I have seen their show probably a dozen times and it's been entertaining enough. Dave and I appreciate their bickering, perhaps it reminds us of ourselves. I totally think that either one of them would drive me crazy, but they seemed to make it work. It was refreshing. What Dave and I liked most about the show was that through it all they seemed pretty normal. They didn't act all crazy religious and it seemed real. I don't know, it was comforting.

Well, last night was like watching a train-wreck. It was awful and totally uncomfortable. You know when one of your couple friends decide to fight at a party. Well, that was last night. It was horrible. They showed no affection for one another! I honestly felt bad for poor perverted Jon. AND Kate, she was such a whiney B*%@#! She complained for ten minutes about having to prepare for a birthday party ALONE! Welcome to the real world Kate! Most people don't have assistants, and I can't think of one time where my husband helped with that crap either. I have always stuffed goody bags myself! Oh, and poor Kate had to take her kids to the store ALL BY HERSELF! What has the world come to!?

Then came the party! I swore if I heard that pathetically fake laugh one more time... I was gonna scream! She hasn't laughed in 4 seasons and now all of a sudden she's cackling every five minutes. It was so irritating. And has anyone noticed that there is NEVER any family around? What's up with that? Where was Aunt Jodie?

And don't get me started on their house! It's freakin' huge! And that car that Jon pulled up in!?!?! Was that a freakin' Viper! They used to be a normal family with an abnormal amount of kids. There is nothing interesting about watching another celebrity couple with too many kids. Jon and Kate probably do very little with their kids. How is that good TV? I'd rather watch Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt! They have million kids and there would be no false pretenses. We KNOW they don't take care of their kids themselves! But they are far better looking! Seriously, what has happened to Jon's face! He looks awful!

I suppose I shouldn't be so hard on them, I have no idea how hard it is. But, when the series becomes so riddled with spite that it is uncomfortable to watch... it needs to be cancelled. Seriously. This season should end with the premier.

But that's just my opinion.

Double Dose

Well, Dave's brother came down with his family. He has a beautiful wife and THREE daughers! He's totally outnumbered. But, seriously, how bad can his life be. He's constantly surrounded by beautiful girls!

Anyhooo, their youngest are twins, 4 months. They are so freakin' cute!

I have to admit, I have always wanted twins, I guess I still do. It doesn't matter how much trouble they are or how little sleep you tell me that you get. I still have this crazy desire for multiples. Two babies in one belly package.... I love the idea! It's unusual and exotic, well, in a domestic sort of way... in a Mexican domestic sort of way. There are a lot of twins in Mexico!!! They say that all the sweet potatoes in their diet do that. I don't know, but I'm starting my yam and tortilla diet tomorrow.

Really, I want twins for all the attention they can get me. I'm totally starved for attention. I want lots of people stopping me to tell me how adorable my kids are and how lucky I am to have twins. I don't really need them to tell me that, I already know it, but it's nice to get it confirmed. You know what I mean?

If I had twins, I would always dress them the same. Maybe I'll switch up the colors, but the outfit would essentially be the same. I would take them to casting calls, I would ensure that they were the next Mary Kate and Ashley, or those boys that live in the hotel and cause a lot of trouble for management. I could live my life through them. I'll be sure to drive them to the set in my jaguar.

Also, having twins increases your chances for having MORE twins, so I would have more. I will just keep having kids until some producer from TLC calls and offers me a gig. Honestly, what's one more show about parents with way too many kids. I could actually send my ninos to college on royalties. I can just make my older kids take care of all the babies. I can just sit around napping all day, since of course, I'm making a baby or two. Dave could quit his job, and hang out a trashy bars and hit on trashy girls.

Wait, I don't think this is working out quite like I planned. Maybe I'll just have one set of twins. Or maybe, I'll just play it safe and just have one at a time. I'll leave the twin making to Stephanie. But it would be cool, huh?

In the great state of California!

Well, we are home at last! So much has happened since I last blogged. Ok, Dave is with his family... as it should be. Let me just say, a baby Snipes is in the future :-)

Okay, anyway, things are really looking up for the Snipes. When we got to California, there was suddenly a 4 bedroom house available! It is up in San Clemente, which is a ways from his work, but it is on base near the commissary and MCEX so we're happy. I love it! It is so close to the beach that we can see the ocean from our front yard. It's awesome! No doubt my fake-baking is a thing of the past. I'm getting the real thing now baby!

Oh Oh Oh, AND Dave found out that his battalion isn't leaving for Iraq in August! Isn't that wonderful! He is actually slated to go to somewhere in February. So I officially have 9 months to pop out a baby. No pressure or anything! I am so pumped. I can actually sign up for some classes this fall and get my freakin' pre-reqs done for Nursing. It's like 7 years in the making, but maybe next year I will be ready for the real thing!

Last night I had a wonderful dinner with my dear friend, Katrina. It was awesome! I can't believe that she actually went to the trouble to make a soy/milk/beef/egg/fish-free meal. She made like a four course meal... dessert included and it was awesome! I love my good friend. She takes care of me, whether it's looking for my home or feeding my family... she's a keeper! I'm fairly certain she's a saint, but I'm checking her resources to make sure.

Lets see, Emmalyn is FINALLY growing! I love her so much! She brings so much joy to my life. I hate that I was so young and selfish when my older two were her age. I didn't appreciate them as much as I do her. It kind of makes me sad. But, as I get older, the better mom I become. Maybe I'll be a perfect mom next time around. Here's hoping....

Cooper and Ashlyn are freakin' super stars! I need to give a shout out to those troopers. They have moved a ridiculous amount of times, and they are so strong! They never complain and they adjust so well! I sincerely think that I have the best children in the world, and if you're reading this... your kids are great, but sorry... the title goes to mine!

And since I'm in the mood for shout outs... Dave is awesome! The best husband in the world! Love ya MUCHO!

I told you California made me happy and sappy!

The Big Day!!

Dave is coming home!!! Ah yeah!!! I'm so excited! And since he's coming home, can you guess what happened this morning? I've kind of started a little unintentional tradition. Can you guess? Uhm a little something called.... a period. What the crap is up with that?! You may remember a little post about my romantic getaway in February. I went to see my sweet hubby and on the plane(the descent, no less) I had a visit from mother nature. And despite recent commercials, she DOES NOT bring the tampons. It is absolutely crazy how my body plans this. I am so irregular that I can't plan ahead, I have maybe 6-7 periods a year and they ALWAYS come at the worse possible time. Did I ever mention that I started on my WEDDING NIGHT!!! Yeah, poor Dave! It's horrible, not only for the obvious reasons. But I have a lot to do today! True to form, I waited until the last day to get everything done and now, I totally feel like crap! I'm crampy and tired... and hemorrhaging. But, on the bright side... Dave will be home in 10 hours!!!!

Stuff

I know that I'm not very good at keeping up with my blog, but in my defense I just don't have time. Well, actually that is a lie. I have time, but it is only when Emmalyn is napping and due to recent space constraints, our computer is in her bedroom. Those moments are so precious that I refuse to risk waking her for the sake of a post. Sorry.

Anyway, I am updating you now and I have a lot to tell you!!!

1. As you can tell by my ticker, Dave is coming home soon!!!! Whoohoo! I cannot tell you how happy I am. The kids and I have missed him so much. I'm not that big of a fan of Southwest, but I have to say... their military rate is awesome! With a one day notice we got a ticket for $188 (Regular fare is $350). His flight arrives at eight Friday evening in Austin! His leave was approved so we will leave next Wednesday for our new home. Which brings me to number two...

2. We have a home. I finally broke down and accepted a 3 bedroom house on base. We really didn't need a four bedroom, since I had always planned on Ashlyn and Emmalyn sharing anyway. If we get pregnant again it might get a little cramped but we'll make do. It's available now and that is absolutely the most important thing. I can't wait to decorate our new house and make a home for my children!

3. I had Emmalyn tested for allergies yesterday and get this... she's allergic to EVERYTHING. Well, maybe not literally, but darn near. Last fourth of July we found out that she was allergic to Ciprofloxacin (an antibiotic for her ear infection.) Her poor head swelled up like a basketball and even turned a similar color. I should have known then that she was gonna make life difficult. Very soon after that I realized that she was allergic to milk products (but it wasn't official until yesterday). I've been giving her SILK. The problem is that she gets hives all the time and ALWAYS has diarrhea. I knew something was wrong, but I've kind of got used to her runny poo. Well, the mystery is solved. Turns out, she's allergic to soybeans! I feel horrible! I have been giving my baby the runs! Oh and her favorite meal... Chef Boyardee Beefaroni is officially a no-go. My poor baby is allergic to BEEF. Oh yeah, you read right. I have never heard of someone being allergic to beef, but she managed it. Oh and if it isn't bad enough that she is allergic to beef, cow's milk (casein) and soy... she's allergic to fish. My poor baby will never know the crunch of a yummy fish stick. Oh wait ladies and gentlemen, there's more. She also has a SEVERE allergy to eggs and cats. The cats, not a big deal, more of a quality of life thing. BUT eggs... we're talking anaphylactic shock. Do you know how extremely difficult it is to find food without milk, soy OR eggs! No more processed food for this family. I am going to have to cook everything from scratch. Here comes a diet full of white meat and the other white meat. This kid will be the only reason I actually lose weight. So we have that going for us... which is nice. Oh yeah, I forgot... she's allergic to dogs too. Go figure.

4. I won a contest! Actually, I didn't, but I wanted to so badly that I felt like it might give me closure if I actually said that I did. I did however receive some sort of crappy perseverance award which is lame way to make me feel better for trying so hard. It's kind of like the participation ribbons kids get these days just for finishing. However, I do get a snazzy toilet trophy for my troubles and the comfort in knowing that not everyone got an award. Uh,Thanks Jess. I now have a great reputation around town for photographing roadkill and all I have to show for it is a toilet. But it was all in fun, and at least I didn't win that contest... that's hardly something to put on a resume. Who wants a nasty old sweaty-pit shirt anyway?!(I just tell myself that to lessen the pain of defeat, it was never about the roadkill anyway, it's always about winning)

5. Last but not least, I'm happy to report that my friends list in Pendleton has just grown to three. Paige is headed my way! Ah yeah! Sorry, Paige that Japan didn't work out, but you have to admit that Pendleton is a step up from 29 Palms and you already have a friend there, oh and a baby-sitter :-)!

Freakin' Adorable!

Henry is da da da dancing!!! @ Yahoo! Video

Be sure to mute my playlist so you can get the full effect!

Do You Know the Lyrics?

I love hearing stories about lyric screw-ups. It is one of the small things in life that genuinely give me pleasure without someone getting hurt. I love singing the "new" lyrics and teasing the authors. So far my favorite examples are of Kiyomi, her husband and Mark. Kiki apparently thought "Secret Agent Man" was an ode to her people because she was convinced that it said "Secret Asian Man"... that makes me laugh just typing it. She's so egotistical. Oh, and when her hubby was a wee boy, he went around singing the very popular Bee Gees Hit..."Mo Betta Woman" more famously known as "More Than A Woman." HEEHEEHEE! I love it!

Let's see, I know that my brother-in-law has plenty of good ones too. Story goes that he had his own version of Pat Green's "Don't break my Heart Again." For the first line of that song, old Pat croons that "She's standing there at the edge of outta control." Which doesn't sound near as good as Mark's "She's standing there at the edge of El Contro." That makes total sense... if El Contro was REALLY a city in Mexico!

I know that everyone has done this. I'm near perfect and I thought David Lee Murphy was singing about Dust on the Bible (which may say a lot about me). Turns out the dust was on a stupid bottle. Whatever, that doesn't make any sense :-)

I really want to hear all of your lyric foul-ups! Tammy... I know you have some! I have a long trip coming up and humming your lyrics might make it go faster!

Ten Things You May Not Know About Me

Just a few little tidbits about me:


1. I am the youngest of nine children with a birth order that goes Girl, Boy, Girl, Boy all the way down to me.

2. I have five State Medals in Cross Country, 4-Gold and 1-Bronze.

3. I met Dave in a karaoke bar where he sang "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" to me.

4. I'm so lazy that I put off peeing until I'm going to burst. I can even go in the bathroom to wash my hands and I won't take the time to pull my pants down, pee, wipe, pull my pants up and wash my hands again. It's a lot of unsatisfying effort.

5. I've had a poem published.

6. I ran away once and left a note saying "Kids are people too," but never actually left the yard.

7. I received a black Barbie for graduation from my best friend's mom, because as kids we always fought over who got to play with hers.

8. I was legally blind with 20/400 vision before I had laser eye surgery.

9. I called my mil Debbie for the first few years of marriage even though her name is Donna. I'm a terrible dil :-(

10. I have actually contemplated video gaming as a career.

Goings-On

Ok, this is the deal... I'm tired of blogging. Well, for now I am. I have so much crud going on that the last thing I want to do is blog and be happy. Here's a list of all the poo that's presented itself lately.

1. I found out that we can get base housing.... June 19th!!! So that leaves us for EIGHT weeks without a house and living out of a hotel room. Not so bueno!

2. I have Katrina running all over the place looking for a decent off-base house, and at the rate I'm going she may decide I'm too much trouble. She's stalked at least 4 houses for me and risked getting arrested for trespassing.

3. Dave recently got a call from his battalion and they said he is leaving June 22 for 5 weeks. So, if we did get a house on base we would have it three days before he left. The really crappy thing is the 19th is a Friday so we can't get our furniture until the 22nd(Dave's departure date). So, that is a no-go. I'm not dealing with TMO on the day that my husband leaves.

4. Oh and the really crappy part is that Dave doesn't get home until April 25th, then he leaves 5 wks later for another 5 wks, THEN he's home for 3 wks and leaves for EIGHT MONTHS!!!!!!!! So, to break it down for everyone, Dave's been gone since Dec 26th. He will be back from his 8 month tour in April. That means out of 16 months we will see him a total of 3 months. I think I'm gonna throw up.

5. The kicker....Dave starts his final two week exercise tomorrow and he won't be able to phone home... now finding the house is ENTIRELY up to me!

6. The kids asked why Daddy can't get a different job :-(


Sorry about the pity-party and the commenting-hiatus, but this is all I can muster for now. Hopefully, brighter days are in the future. I'll comment everyone later.

My new Haircut!!!

Last weekend was a big weekend! I made a few changes:

I broke down and bought ONE pair of blue jeans. Turns out, I went from this:

(size 12)

To THIS :-)

  (size 6.... BOOOYA)

*pictures are not of me*

Oh, and my transportation went from this:

       (Holy GAS-GUZZLER, Batman)

To THIS:

          (Extra money... welcome to my wallet)

And my style.... it went from this:

(Whitetrash)

To THIS:

     (Less trashy, except that it was taken in the bathroom with my phone and 

now my nose looks HUGE) 

It's a new me! Hope Dave still loves me :-) Did you notice the ticker.... 24 more days! Ah yeah!!!!!

60 Day Weigh-In

Ok, this one is gonna be short and sweet. I haven't been working out lately so I am fairly certain that these numbers could be better.

weight - 133.0 lb (-3.2 lb)
waist - 29.75 in (-1.25 in)
hips - 39.50 in (-.25 in)
left thigh - 22.25 in (-.75 in)
left calf - 13.50 in (-.25)
left bicep - 10.00 in (same)
pant size - Who knows... I'm not buying any new clothes until I get where I'm going.

I still have 14 lb to lose! I think that I've hit my plateau though, for some reason my body likes this weight... I just tend to hover here. This calls for some major action for the last month.

Wish me luck!

ATTN: Alison Stewart!!!!

I can't comment on your blog and it's driving me CRAZY!!! Fix it woman!

I'm alive!

Well, I have to admit that I haven't blogged because I'm lazy. No other reason. I have lots of stuff to talk about, I just didn't feel like doing it. But, I am here now and that's what counts, right?

I will have to blog about my weekend getaway later, since I'm waiting for my niece to deliver my pictures. We had a blast! A good trip to Sea World, San Antonio Zoo, a little Rockband and a good visit with TWO very good friends! (I miss ya'll already!)

In other news, we have bought a new vehicle! If you know us at all, we get a different car every two years. Well, it was about that time. But, we are headed in the right direction this time... we are getting rid of the Big Gas Guzzling Gorgeous King Ranch Expedition for a more Eco Friendly Toyota Highlander Hybrid. Ah, yeah... you can thank us for the upcoming economic turnover. The Toyota is used, which is why we will have lower monthly payments (by a whopping$150), lower gas usage (33mpg vice 14.5mpg), and lower insurance (by $50). So it will be a much happier Snipes' household, we will actually have money! Plus, I think that I have convinced Dave that we need to get rid of that ridiculous Ford F-150 FX4 SuperCrew...our gas bills are more than the car payment. Yuck! So it looks like the Snipes Family will actually be able to eat in California! What a relief!

More news, I checked my place on the housing list and get this... we moved down to number 8!!!! Oh my gosh! I about had a heart attack! I immediately called the housing office and it turns out that two EFMs PCSd. In English, EFMs are Exceptional Family Members and PCS mean Permanent Change of Station. So, families with dependents that have special medical needs were transferred to Camp Pendleton and they get priority when it comes to housing. I also found out that the neighborhood that I am waiting for was just built in August, which means that NOBODY is moving out anytime soon. They just moved in seven months ago! Ugh! I wish someone would have told me that in November. So, I checked around and we got wonderful news! We will be second in line for a 4 bdrm house in another area. It isn't as nice, but the house is bigger and closer to Dave. So not only will the Snipes eat in California but they will also NOT be homeless! All in all, it was a good day!

We're Outta Here!

The kids and I are leaving this afternoon for a mini-vacation with old friends. Yea!! Hopefully, I will come back and have lots of pictures to share!

Fake-Bakin'

I have been going to a tanning bed for about 10 days. To me, fat just looks better with a tan, it's almost like it helps the dimples to blend in. Plus, I have really deep-set eyes that always look like someone punched me in the face. If I don't have some color, I look kinda sickly.

Anyway, I went to tan today and the ladies there told me that I was looking pretty tan. I said thanks, but I really wish my face and my shins would get darker. They are always the last spots to get really tan. My stomach, however, I told them "was gettin absurdly tan." That is always the case, my stomach always tans the fastest and the darkest. This is our conversation:

Lady: "Well, a long time ago when I complained about my shins not getting dark, I was told that it was because there wasn't as much fat there. The fat is what helps it absorb the sun." (Whoa, did you just call me fat?! Hmm,I'm sure she was genuinely trying to be helpful)

Me: "Uhm, yeah. Well, I guess that explains my dark stomach." (I know I'm fat, but seriously)

Her: "Yeah, it's the same with thighs and arms." (Feeling proud that she was answering my question)

Me: "Uh, yeah... I guess. Probably my butt too." (Ok, lady, enough! Couldn't just leave me with a fat stomach, you had to go and throw in the arms and thighs too)


Whatever, I was all feeling like the tan was making me look skinny, but it turns out, skinny doesn't tan so I'm really just proving I'm fat. Dude, it's a vicious cycle!

FUN FACT FRIDAY!!!

Well, I tossed around a lot of ideas for today's fun fact. It seems there are a few of you that don't particularly like "gross" facts so I have decided to grant you a reprieve for at least one week. Nothing gross this week! Instead, we are gonna learn about a home staple, but no one seems to know its origin.

THE TELEVISION!!!

Isn't it funny that we know who invented the first working telephone (Alexander Graham Bell) and the light bulb (Thomas Edison), even the freakin' Cotton Gin (Eli Whitney)... but the icon of modern culture, uhm nope!

Philo T. Farnsworth made the first working model of the electronic television.

Five Facts on Philo:

1. He was a devout Mormon from Beaver, UT.

2. Although he invented the television, he didn't allow his children to watch it. He is quoted saying “There’s nothing on it worthwhile, and we’re not going to watch it in this household, and I don’t want it in your intellectual diet.”

3. The first image transmitted through the television was of Philo's wife, the second image (shown to investors) was of a dollar sign.

4. He was on the popular t.v. show "I've Got a Secret" where he stumped the entire panel of judges. He received $80 and a carton of cigarettes... even though he didn't smoke.

5. He invented the electronic television in 1928, but it wasn't until 1969 when Neal Armstrong was televised walking on the moon that Mr. Farnsworth expressed that "it was all worthwile."

There you go, a little history lesson. You may have found it boring, but I thought it was interesting... and it's my blog!

My Memory Hath Failed Me

Sometimes, I think that when I left Hamilton... all my memories just stayed here. I graduated with 51 other people and I can in all honesty only remember a handful of them. I'm not talking about, oh I can't just think of their names... I can see them, talk to them and actually NOT remember who they are! What is wrong with me? It is actually quite embarrassing. I mean, in high school, you can't imagine ever forgetting these people. After all, we were practically in diapers together. I've known for a while that my memory was failing but this past weekend... I realized just how bad it had gotten.

So, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. She and I went from K-12th together and even lived together for a while in college. Well, we were chatting and catching up and she tells me that she is going through a divorce.

Me: "Who did you marry?"

Her: "Which time?" (Ooops, I felt like such a turd)

Me: "Uh, both times I guess"

Her: "Jake (not real name) and then John (not real name)" (Holy crap!!!!)

Me: "Oh my gosh! I knew you were married to Jake (still not real name)...I was in your wedding!" (Dude, I was her freakin' maid of honor in her first wedding!! How in the world do you forget that?!?!?)

Her: "Yes, you were."

Well, it's official... I'm a jackbutt! For all of you that already knew that... why the heck didn't you let me in on it?

I suppose it's just desserts that later that day I realized that I had my shorts on wrong side out the entire day. While I was walking around forgetting people and marriages, I'm sure everyone else was pointing and laughing at my tag blazing on the back of my shorts and the seams sticking out! She certainly got the last laugh!

I'm a moron!

I'd Like to Give a BIG Thank You!

Ok, so I officially feel quite loved! Thank you to all my wonderful friends, the friends of friends and the anons! You guys are awesome! I suppose that since those comments were made under duress I shouldn't feel as good about them... but I do! I'm very shallow like that!

A Call to Arms

I was noticing something pretty profound. I rarely get any comments UNLESS I have confessed to something tremendously humiliating (ie. farting, getting fat, hurting myself). I wonder, what does that say about the caliber of my friends.... hmmmmm.

Sure, there are a few of you true to the core friends that no matter how dull or how exciting, you will always push that feel-good button and make my day (Amber, Chelon.... love ya, girls!). Now, I will not attest to the kindness of such comments as Jessica is often making fun of me... but still, even if for the briefest of moments, I know that she thought of me during the day. Ah, what a nice feeling. If only ALL my wonderful friends would do the same...

So I implore YOU, all my fair-weather commenters... show me some love! Turn my frown upside down and end this as a good day!

One of Those Days

I had such a good night's sleep, that for the first time in a long time, I woke up feeling refreshed and relaxed! But it all went downhill from there.
Just like everyday, I start my day with Red Bull and xanax. I really thought that today was gonna be especially great with my natural good mood and my winning combination... wrong. When I got home, I decided to put together my Iron Gym Extreme Pull-Up bar. It's one of those that props up in your door way. The instructions really were ridiculous... all it had was a picture. No words what so ever. This wouldn't have been a problem if every piece hadn't looked the same. There was a right side piece that look just like the left side but it wouldn't work on the left side because of holes that you don't see until you go to the next step. It took me an hour and half because I kept having to take it apart again! Very frustrating! But, I eventually got it all put together and I was so excited to try it out. I went to put it up and it wouldn't work. Apparently, it doesn't work in our doors because the molding around our doors is too thick. So essentially, I just waisted $40 and an hour and a half. But, whatever... I wasn't gonna let that ruin my day.

Later, I got a call from my property manager. That is never a good sign. I doubt very seriously that he is calling to tell me that he likes us so much that he refuses to take any more commission. As predicted, he was calling about a problem. Turns out, our water heater went out... for good. It needs to be replaced. Ugh! I have no idea how much that is gonna cost us, but it's not like I can say no. This almost did me in, but I was resilient.

Then, when I went to get the kids from school, I noticed that my driver side mirror was a little floppy. Kinda just hanging there. As soon as I got home, I looked at it. It was freakin' broken! I noticed it was a little wobbly last night, but it wasn't until today that I noticed that it was actually broke. You've got to be kidding me! That's gonna cost at least $250 since that is our insurance deductible. This did it! I was officially having a bad day!

I decided that the only thing that would make me feel better was buying tickets to go see Dave. Spring Break is next week and it would really do us all good to see daddy. So, I got online. My day instantly got worse. There is nothing like psyching yourself up for a trip and then realizing that it is waaaaay too expensive to follow through. $700 per person round trip. Not bad, but that isn't including the rental car or the food or the miscellaneous expenses. I was heartbroken... I still am!

I guess we'll just hang out next week and sulk!

Fun Fact Friday

I have noticed that all the Great Bloggers have their little theme days like Friday Favorites (Shelley) and what-not. I have decided to join those ranks and start my own.... FUN FACT FRIDAY! I am going to dedicate Fridays to enlightening the population on little facts that otherwise they might not and probably won't know. A history lesson of sorts... on obscure topics.

This Friday... the TAMPON!

So, this wonderful tool also known as "the stopper" or "the plug" was initially introduced by the Egyptians. Conveniently, this group gets a lot of credit for all sorts of inventions mainly because they were the best at documenting EVERYTHING! I don't know what possessed their historians to describe the use of a tampon... but we shall all benefit from that knowledge today.

Anyhoo, the first tampons were made of papyrus, wool, grass (WHAT THE CRAP... ew!), and vegetable fibers. They were invented for the stop of menstrual flow, but Medieval Islam also found another use... a pretty unreliable contraceptive. I suppose that's why they have so many kids. Hmmm.... Maybe that's what's wrong with Amber.

So here are some pretty neat facts about the tampon:

1. It is a very effective treatment for bullet wounds! Apply a little antiseptic and your set, that's what I call ingenuity! (just in case any of my blog readers get shot!)

2. Tampons do not have to be sterile since the vagina is considered a "non-sterile" body cavity and it houses "good-bacteria." I honestly can't think of any body cavities that I would consider "sterile" but hey, they're the scientists.

3. One Super Plus tampon holds up to .5 ounces, so after 32 such tampons... you would have lost a pound! Ah yeah, baby!

4. Tampons MAY contain both pesticides(from the cotton) and chlorine(from bleaching that cotton), both of which I don't want near my hoohaa!

5. Tampons can expand two different ways. The ones with the applicator expand lengthways, so if half-way through the day you notice your tampon start to peek out... you actually need a "digital" tampon. Digital tampons like OB, do not have an applicator and expand width-ways... preventing the poke out problem some women experience.

Well, I hope that you ladies have all learned some very valuable lessons and will use your tampons wisely!

BWEERP

Ha, I have the cutest/grossest story. So Emmalyn was pretty sick the past few days, you know, the works... diarrhea, vomiting.. and all the yucks that go with that! And, of course, I got a little of it. Yesterday, I spent the better half of the day in the bathroom going poo. No big deal, everyone does it. But with me, I always have an audience. Emmalyn was hanging all over me, talking and just being nosy. Then suddenly, BWEEERP, I farted. I couldn't help it, and I didn't really think much about it. However, Emmalyn was fascinated. Her ears perked up like she heard an ice cream truck! She was intrigued and she smiled so big. Then, she pursed her lips together and made the cutest little "bweerp" sound. Ah, a new trick! All day, she followed me around... "bweerp, bweerp, bweerp" everywhere we went... she "bweerped." It was so freakin' adorable!

The weird thing is she knows how to say mama, but she doesn't really associate it with me. She says it when she wants something, to whoever can get it. I have been wanting her to call me mama, but now... she calls me "bweerp." So, after all the nursing and caregiving... my daughter now associates me with farting.

Hmm... I'll take what I can get!

Friday Night with the Girls!

Well, of course, as everyone knows... the night before a big race should NOT be spent resting. In fact, it should be at a piano bar with friends watching all the HOJO's in the joint get drunk and act stupid! Well, Friday was no exception. We were entirely entertained by some crazy chick in front of us. She not only blessed us with her amazing macking skills...





AND her questionable dancing skills...





BUT also her flopping boobies... which made a couple of appearances!





However, the night was also filled with good friends and lots of laughs!

Here is Sheena... the smart one with the camera! I think I still owe her $2 for taking that boob shot!


Jenn and I, laughing about the Summer of '69! We weren't even born then... right Jenn!?


Shelley and I trying to get a picture... but creepy Gina had to sneak in on it! :-D

Housing Update

A lot of you guys were wondering what was up with the whole moving down the list issue. Well, I thought I would fill you in. When you put your name on the housing list, it is for one area only. Apparently, you can switch housing areas any time you want and your control date stays the same. So, you can put your name on one list but if another area's list is moving faster you can switch. That is what happened in my case. Another family noticed that they would be next in line in our area so they switched... moving us back down to 6th.

I know many of you were concerned that we wouldn't go with Dave, but don't worry! I will find a way, I'm just feeling a little helpless now because I just don't know how yet. I will figure it out though, even if I have to stay at Heather's... I hear she's a terrible cook :-)

No, really, we will most likely bite the bullet and stay at the Navy lodge or something else that will cost us a fortune. But, money is no object when it comes to being together!

Thanks for all the prayers, concerns and comments... keep 'em coming!

My Best Half and My Burning Bum!

Saturday was a crazy day! I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to run a 13.1 mile race that I actually paid for! Retarded, I know! This time last year, I ran a 5k in Austin and literally thought I was gonna die! It took me around 33 minutes to run a 3.1 mile race. I remember being so disappointed in myself! I used to be an awesome runner! In high school my fastest 3 mile run was 17:51! But, as you can tell by my fat rear and my crows feet... I'm no longer in high school. It's crazy how you still hold yourself to those standards. Anyway, that race did motivate me to run a marathon. I thought that it would make me feel better.

So, I went from running a ridiculously slow 5k to running a ridiculously slow marathon (5:27- 12.29 min/mile). But now I knew I could do it, and I was happy. This weekend I ran my 13.1 miles in 2:07:18( (9.43 min/mile)! I am so freakin' pumped at that time because my goal was to just beat 2:30! This was a miracle since it was 48 degree weather with 25-40 mph wind!

I want to run my May marathon at a 10 min mile pace, but this weekend proved to me that that goal is farfetched... right now. I honestly, could not have run any faster or any further Saturday without dying! But, every one of my races has taught me a very important lesson... Bodyglide is my friend... chaffing, not so much!

So, in my 5k I made the mistake of running in actual running shorts! You know, the cute little short ones with the built in underwear. Oh my gosh! My thighs were rubbing together so much, I was afraid I was gonna start a fire! It was crazy painful, and the shower afterwards... OUCH!

Then, in my marathon I knew not to make that mistake again! I bought compression shorts (tights) and bodyglided my body down. EXCEPT, under my sports bra! I got in the shower and man, I had a huge blister along the underside of my bra! Dude, double OUCH!

But, I didn't really know ouch until this half! So I was careful to use bodyglide in all the usual spots, around the bra, waist, ankles, toes (Thanks Jenn for letting me borrow yours!) I thought I was golden. I got my first shower in and I didn't feel a thing. Well, that was obviously because my body was still frozen from the run. However, later that night when my body had thawed I noticed a strange burning situation... in my BUTT CRACK! Holy freakin' cow, I had a diaper rash! My butt cheeks had rubbed together so fiercely that I had a 4 inch burn down my crack! AAAWWW CRAP, that hurt... literally! The only good thing that came of that rash is that I now know, without a doubt, that Desitin is the BOMB! I smelled like a baby's butt for a couple of days, but the rash is gone and I can poop without tearing up! No more borrowing bodyglide... this new problem zone definitely calls for personal possession of bodyglide. Just a note, you won't want to borrow mine :-) And, yes, I will try to shower before I use it so I don't carry around a butt smelling personal lubricant to all my future races.

Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh!

I am so mad right now! I am shaking and I feel nauseous. So, some of you might know that I have been waiting for base housing in California since November. In September when I called them, they said that they had no wait list and we should be able to get a house immediately! But, when we got there in November, it turned out that we had 5 people in front of us! They told us that it would probably be about 4-6 months until we got a house. This was fine since Dave was gonna be in school for the next 6 months.

I have been checking every few days to find out our status. They have a website that you can go to online. Anyway, for two months we remained number 6 on the list. Then, to my relief, at the end of January we moved up to 5th! I was so excited! Because they said that spring was when people started moving out. I had hope that we could have a house when Dave got through with school.

Well, today I checked and we had moved back down to FREAKIN' 6th again! How the crap does that happen!? People can't just move back in! I am so mad! And the worst part is with the time difference, the housing office isn't open yet! I want to unleash on someone! I am beginning to think that I will be living with my parents indefinitely. That just isn't gonna work, no offense Mom! But I want a house!

Actually, the house part is the least of my concerns. Dave is supposed to graduate April 24th and be deployed in August. That leaves us less than 4 months to be with him until he leaves again for up to 8 months! Keep in mind that my babies haven't seen their daddy since Dec 26th! I am so upset! If we don't have a place to live soon, we won't be able to go with him to California when he graduates. And the longer we wait for a house, the less time we get to see him before he gets deployed! I am so sad! Living out in town really isn't an option for us right now, because we just can't afford it. We need base housing! I just wanna curl up in a fetal position and cry! I am so so so MAD!

Deep Thoughts... by Coopdawg

Today, I decided that I would treat myself to some pizza. I usually don't like pizza but it meant that I didn't have to cook. None of this really has anything to do with my post, but it just kinda came out.
Anyway, while we were at Doughboys waiting for my niece to show up Cooper asked me a weird question.

C- "Why do grown-ups say things that they don't really mean?"

I immediately got the "Oh crap" feeling, wondering what kind of trauma I had inadvertently caused him. What had I said?

Me- "What do you mean?"

C- "Well, when they say "soon", they don't really mean soon. And when they say "in a sec" they mean "in a long time". And when they say "maybe" they really mean "probably not."

I thought about it for a second and then the pizza came. I never answered him, because I was afraid to tell him that it wasn't grown-ups... it was just me. I guess I need to make more of an effort to say what I mean or more importantly... do what I say.

Big plans for Saturday!

Well, since I totally flaked on my last half-marathon... I've decided that I'm gonna do one this weekend. It will probably take 3.5 hours... but I'm gonna finish it! The race is Saturday, so while the rest of you hojo's are sitting at home watching your Saturday cartoons, think of me and the miles that my poor legs are going through.

On to other news, I noticed today that my elbows look awesome. I know that probably sounds weird to many of you, but I have always had dry elbows. I kinda thought that all those magazines with girls who had smooth shiny elbows were the result of crafty photoshopping. But today, while I was outside, I noticed... that I actually have smooth elbows! Holy Toledo... when did that miraculous thing happen. Well, I tell you... I think it happened just for today but I'm feeling pretty good about myself. I have totally cut out sodas from my diet, and replaced them with water. That has to be the key. Hmm... I think that I might go sign up for some tanning so that my smooth shiny elbows can also be tan. Of course, the intense rays may have the opposite effect and turn my lovely elbows to leather, but I think I'll take that risk. I took a picture of my elbows for proof, but it looked like a big shiny nippleless booby so at the expense of keeping my blog's G-rating... I've decided to leave it out.

My Blog Makeover!

As you have noticed, my blah blog is now blingin'! I love my new look! And it's all thanks to my wonderful friend Shelley! Thank you so much, Shelley, you really spruced it up! It's fun, fashionable and fabulous! Now, if only I could find a friend that would give me a boob job and and a tummy tuck... then I would be set!

Oh, and the beautiful picture of Ashlyn with the rose... courtesy of Sara White! She's very talented! I need to go back and have her do some more! Miss you Sara!

Weighin' In

Ok, so let me start this post by saying that I tried very hard... but to be honest, I haven't been to the gym in over a week. Actually it's been about 10 days, since I left for VA. As some of you know, they have closed my special room and I have no where to do my P90X. (Katrina, P90X is "Extreme Home Fitness"! And I love it. It's 13 DVDs with several different workouts that last between 1 hour to 1.5 hours. I love, love, love it... and I recommend it) Anyway, I am working on remedying it, but I have to wait until I get some more moula. I spent way too much on a last minute getaway and I kinda over-did it on my kids' new bedroom sets. So, until I get paid again, P90X will have to wait. But come Thursday, when I get paid, I will be off to Academy to get the pull-up bar, dumbbells and mat that I need to be skinny! Ah yeah!

So here are my first month results:

weight - 136.75 lbs (-6.0 lbs)
waist - 31.00 in (-2.0 in)
hips - 39.75 in (-.75 in)
left thigh - 23.00 in (-.75 in)
left calf - 13.75 in (-.25 in)
left bicep - 10.00 in (-1.0 in)
pant size - 8-10 ( Down 1 size)

It isn't great... but it's better! WHOOHOO!

How I make it through the day...

So, I have been asked what wise words Dr. Phil imparted...

Well, to be honest... I didn't find much wisdom with Dr. Phil. Actually, I just liked watching it because there were so many examples of how much worse of a mom I could be... I know that is so sad, but it makes me feel better. But I will share with you (Jessica) three things that have made my life with out Dave much easier.

I usefirst thing in the morning and they have really helped me make it through the chaos of morning routines.

Later, in the day, when I am drudging around, unmotivated and listless... I enjoy some of this

As the day goes by, I have to pull out the big guns. My kids get home around 3 and my patience is waning around 5... that is when I use this



Xanax, my new wonder drug. It really helps with my anxiety, which in turn, really helps with my patience.

So there you are, my three keys to happiness. The last was just recently added, so it's lasting effectiveness is still questionable. I'll let you know.

The Wisdom of Dr. Phil

So this is the deal, my mom DVRs Dr. Phil everyday. Admittedly, I don't mind this show. It's usually interesting, unlike the Judge Judy crap that is sometimes on. Anyway, I was watching today's episode with my mama and I felt like I was looking at a mirror. Well, not exactly... this lady was a little extreme, but her thoughts and her angers were so similar to me.

This episode was about rage and children. Now, I NEVER would hurt my children physically. But, sometimes I yell at them or say things to them that I absolutely hate! It's crazy, because I feel so justified in my anger when I do it. However, after I cool off I feel like such a horrible mom. I want to be different so badly, but I just can't rationalize with myself sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like I have to tell my kids to do something twenty times before they do it. And when they do actually do it, it isn't because they decided that 20 times was enough, they do it because I have just pulled out the "I'm freakin' PO'd and I'm gonna explode" voice. But it isn't the yelling that upsets me the most, it's the look on their faces. I see their faces and I just want to hold them and tell them I'm sorry, but I can't. I am so angry with them. Eventually, I apologize, but it seems like I'm just confusing them when I do. I'm sure in their sweet little heads, they are wondering why their mom is so dang crazy.

The only comfort I have is that I am aware of this and I want to be different so badly. I really want to be the kind of mom that when my kids think of their childhood... they think of all the happiness and kindness that I've shown them. I worry that maybe my stress lately has imbedded into their memories and this is what they will remember when they are older with their own children.

Anyway, I'll work on it... doling out my regular atta boys. I'm holding out hope that our Legoland trip holds more memory space than the fact that I yelled at them earlier today for not cleaning their room. I guess we'll see in 20 years.

So two things are bothering me...

1. I just realized that I never got my $7 gift card from Toys R Us!? What the crap, man! I am definitely gonna call and chew somebody out. That's just ridiculous, I'm never going there again!

2. As most of you are aware, I have been doing the P90X videos for the past several weeks. What I have been doing is going up to the local gym, where they have an aerobics room with a TV/DVD combo and plenty of dumbbells and space. Kelli and I have been meeting up there to work out in the evenings. We usually go pretty late since we both have children that we have to get in bed first. Now, I haven't been to the gym in several days since I went out of town. But when I got back, I realized that our little aerobics room is closed. Oh my gosh! I am so dang upset! I should have known that it was too good to be true. Apparently, some kids came in over the weekend and trashed the place. So now, the gym is closing that room at seven when the receptionist leaves. Of course, I can use the room during the day but there are a few problems with that... I have Emmalyn and they have classes during that time! I am so freakin' frustrated! I am starting to think that I am destined to be "thick around the midsection" forever! Unbelievable! I was really starting to see results too! Whatever, I'll figure something out, but I am so disheartened! But, the show must go on and I have to find something to do. After all, I have a public weigh-in post in four days! AGH!

My weekend Getaway

My getaway started early, Thursday night to be exact. I dropped my big kids off at Kelli's Thursday night and headed to Ft Worth. My flight was early on Friday morning, so I headed up the night before so I could get Emmalyn all settled in. I was pretty excited, but on the way to Ft. Worth I started panicking. I started feeling all doom and gloom and by the time I got to Ft. Worth, I had convinced myself that I was going to die in a plane crash. I have never felt that way before. In fact, I have always found flying somewhat comforting, kinda like a tanning bed, the purr of the engines would lull me to sleep. It was really odd having this feeling of hopelessness, but deep down I knew that it was silly and I had to get on that plane. Dave would be so disappointed if I was a no-show. After all, there was just a plane crash so the odds of another one would be ridiculously low. I took consolation in the fact that the plane in NY had just crashed and everyone survived. I was pacified a little.

Friday

So the next morning came and I was still a little nervous. The plan was to take Emmalyn with me to the airport since she was such an early riser and I would say my good-bye to her there. I really teetered back and forth about taking her, but in the end, I didn't want her on a plane that I wasn't sure was gonna make it. Morbid, I know. But she was still sleeping when I had to leave so I left her there with my brother-in-law with out saying good-bye. I was so bummed! But it was probably better this way.
So, I boarded the plane and I was relieved to see a fairly normal guy already sitting there. He had his ipod on so I didn't have to worry about the uncomfortable conversations that sometimes occur on planes. I had the window seat and he had the aisle. I thought we might get lucky and not have anyone in the middle, but no such luck. I see this guy right away. He's a big guy and he seems really nervous, he's trying to jam a carry-on (that in all honesty, should have been checked) into the overhead storage. He's kinda sweaty, and pretty fidgety. I immediately think, "please don't sit here... please don't sit here"... he does. He sits down and keeps fidgeting. I can tell this dude has the same bad feeling that I have and now... it's gonna be worse. Fear is definitely contagious! If the fact that he was so nervous wasn't enough, the fact that he had the worst breath EVER was! I could smell every time he took a deep breath to calm himself. It was disgusting! And he was taking a lot of deep breaths. Now, I'm sitting there with my nose up to the window trying to take shallow breaths, when it hit me... my back started to hurt so bad. I couldn't get comfortable, I was miserable. Then with about twenty minutes left in the flight, I feel it. The horrible leaking feeling that a period brings. Oh my gosh! I have the worst freaking luck! No joke, this was the worst timing. We were on our descent and I couldn't get up to fix the issue. I just had to wait it out. For twenty minutes, I sat there, leaking, cramping and trying not to breath! Finally, we arrived and I waited politely for my turn to deplane and I jetted out of there. I ran to the first kiosk where I bought some midol, water and tampons... $23!!!! I hate airports! I wasn't prepared for this, since it was more than 2 weeks until my period should have started. Just my freakin' luck! I wanted to make babies on this trip, but it was clear that was not in the picture. So I got cleaned up and found my next gate for my last leg. I was starting to feel a little better about flying so I bought a book and started to relax. The rest of my traveling was without incident. I was just tired and crampy and a little depressed. I mean, really, now I have to see my husband for the first time in 7 weeks and I'm hemorrhaging. Just great.
I arrived in Norfolk around 3. Dave had told me that he wouldn't be done until 8 so I just headed to the hotel (about half an hour away) and got all cleaned up. All went pretty well, until I got to Dave's room. Oh my gosh, I knew that I had missed him, but when I walked in and smelled him I thought I was gonna cry! I missed him so much! I saw all his things there and I just wanted him home!
Anyway, I had plenty of time to kill so I got cleaned up and took a small nap and watched some TV. That's when I saw the news. I had taken comfort in the fact that plane crashes were rare and I thought that since one had just crashed into the Hudson then mine wouldn't crash. Wrong. There was another freakin' crash! But this time, everyone didn't survive. In fact, everyone DIED! It was such a horrible feeling. Now, I was mortified to fly home.
Dave finally showed up around 7:30! And I was so happy! I didn't want to let him go. We just stood there, hugging for like ten minutes! We were so tired that we ended up going to sleep around nine.

Saturday

For the first time in 7 weeks, I was able to sleep in. So, of course, I was wide awake by 7:30am. We just laid around until nine and finally we emerged from the Hotel room. Dave had some errands to run, so most of the day we just drove around. He had to have dinner with his team that night so we were supposed to meet them at outback at 6. Which I think is total crap since it was Valentine's Day! But, at least I was allowed to go. So we had a nice romantic dinner... with 8 other people. Whatever, I had Dave with me so I was happy.

Sunday

Dave had to go into work. He was supposed to be back by four, so I just took a nap. I wanted to be rested for a late night. It was our last night together so we wanted to go do something... anything. Around two, I woke from my nap with severe abdominal pain. I couldn't be still. I was just rolling around. I tried to call Dave but he isn't allowed a phone at work. I texted him to hurry home, because I needed to go to the doctor. These were not period cramps, I was in some serious pain. Finally, the urgency to pee hit and I knew that I had a UTI. Oh, man it was like The Green Mile when Tom Hanks got sick. I was shaking and hurting so bad. I thought I was gonna die. Dave finally got home at 4:30 and we headed to the Urgent Care Clinic. We were there for two hours. So now, it's about seven on my last night there and we haven't done anything. It was so sad. We just went to get something to eat and went back to the hotel. We ended up going to bed early because my pain medicine knocked me out.

Monday

My last day with Dave. UGH! I have been here for three days and it was one fiasco after another. I really don't think that anyone has worse luck than me. I had to be at the airport by 4, so we didn't have much time. We had a good breakfast and we ended up talking for a long time. Mostly, we talked about how fast the weekend went and how hard it was to leave each other again. It was so depressing.

But all in all, I was just happy to see Dave again. I was hoping that this could be a honeymoon vacation for us, but needless to say, it didn't turn out like that. It was more like a bad movie, a Meet the Parents sequel, complete with one mishap after another. It was crazy, but in the end it was worth every dime we spent to see Dave again.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane!!!!

A few weeks ago, I called Dave and said "hey, if you have President's Day off, why don't I fly in and we can spend the weekend together." He didn't sound too excited, mainly because he wasn't sure that even if he had Monday off that he would have the rest of the weekend off. So we dropped the issue. Life went on and I signed up for a half-marathon on the 15th ($100!!!) and I started training. I have met some awesome ladies here and we were totally psyched about going to Austin Saturday night and running the race together. I really like these girls! And, honestly, I loved the idea of having an overnight break from the kiddos.
Then, last night during my p90x workout, I get a call from Dave. He says "I don't suppose you were gonna surprise me by coming up here this weekend?" Uhm, no! What the crap, Dave! He waited until four days before the holiday weekend to tell me that yes, he does want me to come! My first instinct is yes, of course, I will come! But we are here to save money, so let's set a cap. Turns out, we can get round trip, taxes and fees AND a rental car for $500! That was such a great deal! But, Dave and I decided that a decision like that was better not made in an hour. So we decide to wait until today... tomorrow then.
I went home and immediately started going through the flights looking for the best possible deal and I start to panic. I can't leave my kids for FOUR days! I can't look them in the eye and tell them that I'm leaving them too to go see daddy and oh, by the way, you don't get to come! So I text Dave and say that we should just bite the bullet and fly the whole family out. I don't wanna leave them, I can't do that to my poor sweet kids.
So, every morning I get a text from Dave. It usually says something sweet, like... I love you beautiful, have a great day or something sappy. I love my morning messages! It gets me going in the morning! But today I got "Ok, Bringing the whole family out is too expensive especially for the amt of time we'll see each other. Let's not do it then. I don't want the kids to feel bad. Love you!!! Have a great day!" Oh my gosh, dagger to the heart! I want to see him! So bad in fact, that I almost threw up when I read his message! So I spoke to the kids before school. Here's the conversation

Me: "Hey, guys would you mind if I went to visit daddy for a little bit"
Cooper: "Nah"
Ashlyn: (with the saddest eyes ever!) "What do you mean, why would you go?"
Me: "Because I miss daddy"
Ashlyn: "I miss daddy too"
Cooper: "How long will you be gone?"
Me: "Four days"
Ashlyn: "I wanna go"
Cooper: "Will you get me a surprise?"
Me: "Yes, anything you want!"
Cooper: "Sweet! I want Bakugan"
Ashlyn: "Ok, but I want a Cabbage Patch Kid, the little one because they are so cuddly!"
Me: "Deal"

Who knew it would be so painless! Now, I have to find out who is gonna get the Brat aka Emmalyn. I called up my sister Angie, who out of sheer happenstance is available Friday thru Monday to watch her! How crazy is that! Angie is the busiest person I know and she is available! Whoohoo! Now, Kelli is taking Cooper and Ashlyn for four days and Angie is taking Emmalyn. I'm set, but a part of me is so sad! I thought I was ready for a break, but I think I'm not. I don't know. I know that Dave needs me, he needs to see one of us if it can't be all of us. AND we never had a honeymoon, so this is our chance! I just bought the tickets! I'm bummed about missing my race with all my new and wonderful friends, but hands down, I would rather spend time with my hubby! I miss him so much!

So in advance...

Thank you Shelley for making sure Ashlyn avoids the tea and gets her orange juice at the Valentine's Tea Party, for running with me even though I flaked on the race, and for being such a wonderful friend.

Thank you Kelli for taking Cooper and Ashlyn to school Friday and Monday, for taking Cooper to his game on Saturday, for making sure that they brush their teeth and do their homework AND for loving them for four days!

Thank you Angie, for taking the busiest 1 year old on the face of the earth and being HAPPY to do it, thank you for making sure she gets more than snow cones for dinner, and especially, for spoiling her non-stop for four days! Don't forget... she's allergic to dairy!!!

I love you guys, but I'm outta here! Whoohoo, Norfolk... here I come!

Made in China

Well, the past few days have really kind of sucked. My mom has been in the hospital since Friday, I had to run 11 miles on Saturday and my kids are driving me crazy! Emmalyn has been putting everything in her mouth and I'm tired of chasing her to dig it all out. Just a second ago I had to hold her down to pull out some candy! She had TEN lifesavers in there! How on earth she fit them all in there is baffling enough, but I have no idea where she found them! It has really hit a point where it's ridiculous! I've had to remove kitty litter (straight from the litter box) from her mouth! YUCK!
While I was visiting my mom today we were talking about China. (Cooper is studying China in school). I asked him why he thought they were studying China and he said it was probably because everything was made there and he showed me his shoes which said "Made in China." He's so smart. Anyway, Coopdawg is so excited about the Chinese Calendar. He said that he and I are from The Year of the Snake and Ashlyn is the The Year of the Goat. My mom asked him if Emmalyn was The Year of the Rat. He said he didn't know, but Ashlyn said with a sly smile "No, I think she's the Year of the Brat." ... I thought that was pretty cute! She's gonna be the funny one! It's moments like that, that I realize how much I love being a mom! I just wish they came more often :-)

Accountability is My Friend

I have always been a somewhat fit person as far as ability, and pretty unfit as far as appearance. I'm able to do sports and run (slowly), but I have struggled with my weight for years. I am by no means obese, but I could certainly use to lose a few pounds. As many of you know, I have committed to running another marathon. Now, I don't particularly like running marathons... but I love finishing a marathon. So that is what drives me. I guess I have a small competitive side that wants to run this one faster than the last one. Therefore, I have ACTUALLY begun training for this marathon! I am so excited, because I have not really stuck with anything for more than 3 days but this time... everything is different.

Now the marathon is May 31st, so my 18 week program began Jan 26. AND as luck would have it... I procured a complete set of p90x videos on Jan 25! Now, a little background info: I have been coveting that set for over a year! Dave has refused to buy it since we have already spent a small fortune on my get thin quick schemes. Dude, I have tried it all... pills upon pills, yoga videos, trial-hormone shots, books, supplements, and some fairly expensive equipment. Needless to say, Dave drew the line at p90x. With the aid of my smooth talking brother and his unlucky friend (who threw out his back in the first video), I have got my hands on the ever-elusive p90x! Booya! Ironically, that smooth talking brother is the very same brother that caused me so much grief in the past. My how the tables have turned, now he has saved my life after years of endangering it! Thank, you dear brother! Back on subject, P90x promises me to get "Ripped in 90 Days" IF I actually stick with it. Which I have proven to be very unlikely, but it was free.

So, on Jan 26th, I had four things: p90x, a marathon schedule, a husband coming back in 90 days AND a sincere commitment! And I began my journey! Now, that was ten days ago and I'm still going strong. For the first time in a long time, I have stuck with something. Now I know that all you nay-sayers out in the world are doubting me, so to prove you wrong... I am going post my progress here on my blog. Every thirty days I will update you on my progress. Don't get too ambitious, because you will never see a before shot of me, uhm, yuk... no freakin' way! But I will put my measurements/weight up and at the end... I will give you my end results WITH a photo. I know you probably feel cheated, but let me assure you I care less about your sense of fulfillment than my sense of embarrassment so deal with it. It's a big enough act of goodwill that I post the fact that I have gained 11 pounds in two months, my waist is bigger than many grown men, and my hips are not only childbearing but seat-filling. Plus, most of you that read this have seen me and will know at the end that it's totally legit. Here goes:

JANUARY 26, 2009

weight - 142.5 lbs
waist - 33.00 in
hips - 40.50 in
left thigh - 23.75 in
left calf - 14.00 in
left bicep - 11.00 in
pant size - 10-12 :-(

I really should have measured my boobs, since that is the only number I'm fairly confident will go down... but whatever. Those numbers look HUGE! But that is the point of this post, now that you know them, I will feel pressured to decrease them. Don't worry, I will make sure my dear sister comments every month to verify their authenticity. (Thank you Kelli for enduring this phase with me... I love you)

So there you go, accountability in all it's glory and humiliation! Twenty more days until my next weigh-in... wish me luck! I'm pretty sure that I'll need it!

Marathon Madness

Ok, so after the Marine Corps Marathon, I got bit by some bug (a better myself as to not embarrass myself by another 5hr 27min marathon bug). So I have embarked on the San Diego Marathon. I am totally pumped about this, but the problem is that my so-called friends are not quite so pumped. I have made many futile efforts to enlist the participation of all my friends, and while most have legit reasons...not all do. Let's see, May has medical reasons, Paige/Heather have pregger reasons (theoretically, Amber could be lumped into this category but we all know she belongs with the shoppers), Kiki has uhm, cash reasons (even though her enlisted husband makes more than my officer husband and she FORCED me to do the Marine Corps Marathon only to bail the week before.... do I sound bitter, well, really I'm not :-)... love ya kiki) and well the rest of you (you know who you are... you prolly would only run to the mall from the parking lot... if it were raining, I get that, running's not your thing. At the very least, that shopping syndrome got me the most spectacular Mizunos a runner could ask for :-). Anyway, I decided that I'm gonna do it alone if I have to.
So I post my future feat on the the trashy social network, MySpace. And the craziest thing happened! My dear, longtime friend, Ann, emails me and says... "Me Too! See ya on May 31!" Oh my gosh! I was so totally excited! I love Ann! She and I have been friends since Dave and I were dating (10yrs ago), we phone about every few months, but usually keep up with email. She is very busy since she is a SSgt in the USMC (shoo in for Gunny in my opinion)! I should have known that she would be the only one to go through the madness of a marathon. So rest easy friends, my relentless pursuit to enlist you has ended... you can all start answering my calls :-) And, don't worry your pretty little heads... I ain't mad at ya!

Battle Scars

In the past thirty-years, I have quite a few emergency room trips. I'm not sure if it's bad luck, poor judgement or good old fashion clumsiness that puts me there, but it's frequent enough to warrant a good review. Let's compare, bigger scars or more pain, doesn't matter. See if you can beat me. So here it is... a Battle Wound Battle in a little of a muddle as an Alphabet Post to see who has the Most...or the worst! I'll go in pain progression to build up the suspense.

1. Courtesy of big brothas, I had quite a few scars growing up. But there is one scar that I see every day that reminds me just how cruel a big brother can be. Although, there is still debate as to whether it was an accident or not. It was a very cold day, and one of my brothers was riding a bike with me... ah how sweet you may say. Whatever! So when we had had enough, we rode up to the house and went full speed to the front door. We were freeeeezin'! Well, being the sweet brother that we all know he is... he decided to not let me in. Hmm, no big deal... EXCEPT, when he decided this, my hand was already IN the door! Oh my goodness! That hurt like a mutha! Only one finger was injured, my right ring finger. It was practically severed at the last joint. Well, possibly that is an exaggeration, but it was torn down to the bone and I had to have 8 stitches! For my tiny little finger... that's the equivalent to a c-section scar. But, I got a sucker for not crying too badly when they gave me my shots to numb the area... so, you know... it all worked out in the end. I don't remember my brother getting licks or anything so he made out like a freakin' bandit. We'll chalk that up as bad luck.

2. Ok, so skip a few years... SAME brother! So I came home from the movies with my friend only to find out that the front door was locked. I knew my mom and dad were supposed to be gone, but my brother and sister were supposed to be there. We had a little diamond window at the top of our front door so as I jumped, knocked and jumped, knocked and jumped... I figured out that someone WAS home! Dude, my freakin' brother was making-out with his girlfriend on the couch!! Ok, what the crap! He was right there and he wasn't letting me in. So in a final ditch effort to either wake them from their slobbery coma or annoy them to the point of submission... I raised my hand and swung with all my little might...right into the window. My fist went through the window and of course, slit my wrist! My right wrist! Suffice it to say, he let me in... but I bled all over the living room and he had to take me to the ER where I received five stitches! No freakin' sucker this time! Mmmm, I'll accept good old fashioned clumsiness for this one.

3. Fast forward a few more years and I am a freakin' Volleyball star... well, as much as you can be in Jr. High. Anyway, I was home from school for whatever reason, fake belly ache or somethin'...and I decide that I want a candle in my room. No one is home to watch me, so you know, that was definitely poor parenting :-) (kidding mom). Anyway, my room is waaay in the back of the house and I'm there with a candle, Jr High wits and a box of kleenex. So, in all my wisdom, I make two very fatal errors! First, I think to myself... I wonder if this kleenex will catch on fire. Uhm, to all you jr high kids who are reading the blog... YES, it does! The second and very painful mistake I made was to go running ALL the way to the bathroom to put it out! Uhm, hello! Can anyone say "Drop and Stomp!?" Ugh! I actually remember thinking if I dropped it, the whole house would go up in smokes and I would die as an idiot! So I run to the bathroom with a burning Kleenex in my bare hand. I ended up with 2nd degree burns all over guess which hand... the right one! And, as if the burns were not enough... I was out of volleyball for the remainder of the season. Well, there is no debating this one... it was totally poor judgement AKA stupidity!

4. Now we are going way way into the very recent past. I think it was a couple of years ago. I love sports, any kind of sport. My sister who does not play sports has started to play softball every summer. So, since Dave goes away almost every summer, I started to play with her. This is coed softball, men and women play together. Now, if you know anything about coed ball, you know that the batting lineup has to be boy,girl, boy, girl. If the guy gets walked, he goes to second base and the chick next in the line-up goes to first. That rule is in place to keep the other team from walking all the guys and only pitching to the girls. Good rule, but I digress. Anyway, I'm next in the line-up and the dude batting gets four balls. (heehee) Anyway, I am totally pumped. I'm guaranteed to see the base! Whoohoo! I go return my bat and start walking to first base. Then, at that very moment, the guy next in the line-up, behind me, takes his last very forceful warm-up swing... right into my head! Holy cow! It was so loud that my friends that hang out in the back, out past the outfield fence heard it! I don't really remember this, but apparently the whole place went quite. I just remember grabbing my head, I had a visor on, and pulling my hand down and seeing it covered in blood. Then I passed out. The ambulance came and put me on a stretcher with a head brace and away we went... to the ER! I got a pretty bad concussion, seven stitches and a permanent bald spot right above my widow's peak. The worst part was the swelling for a couple of days. It looked like I had a softball on my forehead, like I was some sort of Klingon from Star Trek. We'll put this under the bad luck category.

5. Now, the big daddy of scars! So, when I was like eleven I had my good friend Meredith over. I love her to this day! She is awesome! Let me tell you why... Well, Mere and I were quite the adventurers. We were constantly making up games and doing crazy things outside. On the side of my house we had three things. A big tree, a small fence and next to the fence, a chain-link cage for our dog. Well, that same brother that caused me all sorts of grief earlier in the post had showed me a new game. He had a rock-climbing harness slung over the biggest branch of the tree and the ropes pulled back to the fence. So what you would do is lower the harness so that someone could get into the harness, then the person not in the harness would climb up the dog-cage to get onto the fence. Once on the fence, you would pull the rope and it would make the kid in the harness swing back and forth. I should really draw a picture, but whatever. So being the courteous host that I was, I allowed Meredith to get in the harness first. Up until then, I had never done this "game" without my brother so I was kind of a novice. Anyway, I climbed up the cage and onto the fence. Now, I just had to swing her, the only thing is.. I wasn't strong enough. So I'm pulling back as hard as I can and my feet slip. I fell off the fence and onto the cage, but not just on top of the cage... I straddled it! Both my little legs landed on either side of the open door to the cage... the chain-link cage! I was in so much shock and pain that I just kinda slid off the fence and laid there. Mere didn't have a clue what just happened because she wasn't facing me. But she found out soon enough...the reality of the pain set in and I took off! I ran past poor, swinging, stuck Meredith and ran to my mama! When I got to my mom's room, she pulled down my pants and saw that I was covered in blood! The next thing I know we are in the ER and come Cambodian Doctor is looking at my PRIVATES! Meredith was there (in the waiting room), but I have no idea how she got down! I ended up getting something like 12 stitches... internal and external! It was horrible. Fortunately, all the stitches dissolved so I didn't have to have them removed. The worst part were the shots to numb the area! I just remember screaming and screaming and when it was time to leave I remember Meredith and her mom... both crying in the waiting room. The whole hospital heard me scream. I hated that doctor for years... and now the really funny thing is... he's my kid's doctor now. Hmm, crazy huh? Eh, he hasn't seen any more than my OBGYN so it isn't as awkward as one might think. Anyway, I was so worried that Meredith would tell someone about it, I was so embarrassed.. but she never did. And I love her for that! Now this one is definitely poor judgement, bad luck and good old fashioned clumsiness... all rolled into one!

So top that!

Colonoscopy... The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

So, my doc just called to tell me that all went well. The biopsies were normal and my colon will live another day. So since my large intestine has treated me so well, I thought that I would dedicate just one post to it in gratitude...

The Good- I will sleep well tonight, because my fear of colon cancer has been put to rest. I'm pretty sure this fear was fostered by all my hypochondriacal friends, but nonetheless, I have always had a fear of discovering one day that I was dying of an incurable cancer. We can check colonic off the list and move on to more obscure ones like toe or dumb thumb cancer. Oh, and if the relief of healthy bowels was not the only reason I slept well... oh yeah, I was drugged! I came home and had the very best nap ever! But, the relief and the rest were not near the best part of having a colonoscopy... I lost FIVE pounds! Heck ya! That's what I'm talking about. I have been busting the butt for months to lose that much, who knew that that very butt was the answer! I just needed a good cleaning out. So I'm convinced, overweight America... go get regularly scheduled colonoscopies!

The Bad - Well. I'm sad to say that yes... I did gain 2 of those dreadful pounds back. But they're fluid so really, they don't count anyway. No joke, I came home so severely dehydrated that I had burgundy pee.

The Ugly- Oh my gosh, I totally had the worst gas ever for like two days. I know that this is gross, but after the procedure I went out to eat with my ma. I, of course, didn't feel brave enough to let it rip there in the eating area so I politely excused myself to the bathroom. So I sit in the stall, relax and let go. This is the craziest thing... I honestly farted for like 5 minutes straight! You have no idea how freakin' scary that is! I was nervously peeking through the cracks in the stall, expecting someone to walk in. I swear if anyone had, my mother would have had to come in and get me, cuz there ain't no way I was leaving! I'm sure that chick would have round up her table and all surrounding ones to watch expectantly to see who that lady was with the never-ending fart! I'm not sure that it's healthy to lose that much air in one sitting, but I survived... yea me!

All in all, I feel the good totally outweighed the bad so ladies, do yourself a favor and ask your family doctor to please put a long flexible camera-wielding tube up your backside... you won't be sorry :-)

My little dancer!

I made this video a while ago for Dave. I was thinking that all my blog followers should be blessed with seeing it... it's absolutely adorable.

I know, I know... I'm a sucky blogger!

Well, I know I have been pretty bad about blogging. I really thought that while Dave was gone I would use this blog to vent and let off steam. However, it has become more of nagging responsibility that I haven't wanted to deal with. I haven't really had much to blog about, just a bunch of little things. So, I thought that I would follow in the steps of blogging greats before me and do a list.
I'm gonna do abc's since 123's are soo last year...

a) I have been sleeping really crappy! I recently dreamed that Dave dumped me via a text message, but today's morning nap was the real kicker. I actually dreamed that I was passing a freakin' kidney stone! In my dream I was doubled over with agony. It was horrible, I was tossing and turning so much that I woke up thinking that I was really passing one! I have never had such an unsatisfying and painful nap. Hopefully, tomorrow's will be better.

b) Yesterday when I tried logging into my bank account, my pin was locked. I called them only to find out that there were seven failed attempts to get in. SEVEN! Well, admittedly, I wasn't too freaked out. Dave often forgets the pin. However, when I spoke to him last night he promised that he hadn't tried to log in for over a week! What the crap, man! We have very little money and it turns out some jackbutt is trying to get in on it! I was halfway hoping someone got into our account and stole some moula so I could feel better about being broke. I could totally blame it on a hackjob, and know deep down that we really have more money... it was just stolen. I know, it's sad! However, all was in order. I immediately changed all our info and notified our bank! So heathen hacker whoever you are... suck on that!

c) I have been working out like a fool. I'm going twice a day, and working hard... unlike in Virginia where we sat around in the sauna for an hour. The thing that is really working to my advantage is the gym. I'm going to the local gym where I know everybody enough to not want to embarrass myself and no one enough to talk to. It's perfect... my results... not so much. But I'm hopeful. I have decided not to weigh myself and to just go by fitness, and how I feel. I'm running the San Diego Marathon this May so as long as I'm ready for that I'll be good. It's a slow crappy road, but I'm on it nonetheless. Wish me luck!

d) Ok, honestly, can any more people get freakin' knocked up! I want another baby right now I'm lactating! I had a small window to get pregnant and it has closed... no nookie until April. Then it's back to business... again, wish me luck :-)

e) *TMI ALERT* Friday, I am going in for a colonoscopy. Ew, I know... but I care about my colon. It's no big deal, well the procedure anyway... but the preparations! Holy Moly! Friday morning might be the only time I have lost weight in months! Not only do I have to drink half a gallon of colon-cleansing gunk, but I have to take FOUR laxatives too, which in my opinion are a little over-kill. I mean, really, I can't have anything to eat after midnight tonight and all I can drink is gatorade mixed with some nasty poop-inducing powder. I'm gonna starve! Soooo, I had like four brownies tonight to tide me over. So think of me when you enjoy your meals tomorrow... think of me starving and pooping and, generally, having a "crappy" time!

Well, e seemed the perfect ending for me... I may or may not make a sincere effort to blog more often. So enjoy until next time! Lata fools!

Toys R Sucks

I have always loved Toys R Us. As a child I was amazed at the idea of a store completely devoted to toys. That amazement was only intensified by the fact that it was so darn mysterious. I don't remember ever going there when I was young. It just makes me so happy to be there. The fuzzy feeling has continued into adulthood with little or no abatement... until now! The warm fuzzies have been replaced with utter infuriation! I officially, hate Toys R Us!

So this is the deal:

This past Saturday I went up to Ft Worth. While I was there, I thought it would be nice to get a little shopping done. My sister lives there so she offered to watch the kids while Dave and I did some Santa shopping. Toys R Us is on holiday schedule so we went there around eleven pm. We walked around and around trying to find Ashlyn's perfect gift. Coopdawg got a wii, so we really need to get Ashlyn something special. Finally, we came upon an electronic keyboard! Oh my gosh it was perfect! She has always wanted a piano, but we just don't want the trouble that goes with one. We move way too much to deal with that! But a keyboard... that would be perfect! I was so excited, because I knew she would love it. We got the keyboard and a music book that teaches how to play that keyboard. The book was awesome because it was like a workbook, it had exercises and quizzes. It was gonna be great! We ended up with a lot of toys, but I was most excited about the keyboard. We checked out and even got an extended warranty on the keyboard. We loaded up in the truck and went about our merry way.... in a bit of a hurry since we had stayed ten minutes past closing.

That was Saturday night, yesterday I went with my sister to her work to wrap everything. I looked in the truck bed and unload all the toys. Then, I notice... no freakin' keyboard! Where the heck is it?!?! I call Dave frantic and he said that he doesn't know. My immediate thought was that because it was so dang cold Dave must have been in a hurry and left it in the cart. But we're talking about a huge stinkin' keyboard! There is no way he left that in the cart! Maybe we left it in the store and never actually paid for it. Fortunately, I had the receipt in the glove compartment. I check it and see that we did in fact pay for it. So the only other option is that after we paid for it, we forgot it at the register.

I found the number for the store on the receipt. As luck would have it, that number DID NOT work! Oh man, I was furious! How does that happen! I called for hours and all I got was a busy signal! Man, that was more frustrating than not knowing where my stupid toys were! Ugh! Finally, I call a store in Waco and they have a different number for them. And get this, that number just rang and rang! Nobody was answering the phone! Words cannot express my fury! Well, eventually someone did answer.

Low and behold... they had my stuff! Whoa! I was so relieved! I asked them if my sister could come by and pick it up. She's heading to Hamilton for Christmas. Ashlyn wouldn't get it from Santa, but she would get it. I was just relieved it was found.
All I had to do was give them my sister's name and scan/email her the receipt. I called three times to verify and every time they assured me that all was in order.

Now fast forward a couple hours and I get a very pissy call from my sister! She and her husband are at the store and it is chaotic. They have waited twenty minutes to go through the customer service line and once they got up there the lady tells them that the merchandise was put back on the shelf! What the crap!? Are they freakin' kidding! I had already paid for those items! They were mine! They tell her that they are too busy to have someone help them and they would have to go find all the items that were left and come back to the customer service line and wait. Holy crap! I thought my sister was going to have an aneurysm! I mean, really,that was completely ridiculous! I called them three times, they should have had my stuff right there! It should have never left the bag it was in since it was already paid for... by me! Of course, they couldn't find the items because it was the 23rd of DEC! The busiest time of the year! They ended up giving my sister a refund! Can you freakin' believe that! They sold my stuff! AND, guess what? They didn't refund the cost of the warranty. So now I have a warranty on a toy that I don't have.

I immediately called the corporate office to report them, and then I called the store. I was shaking, I was sooo mad! I told the manager that he stole from me, and that if he were going to do that he should have at least donated the items. Instead, he put them on the shelf so that they could double-dip. He told me that it wasn't stealing because I received a refund. Can you believe the nerve! We received a refund BECAUSE he sold the items! I asked him if he expected me to put the refund under the tree for my daughter, do you think she understands?! I totally laid it on thick and had him feeling pretty crummy, but the worst thing is... there was nothing they could do. I did get him to agree to put a gift card for $7 (price of the warranty) in the mail and the satisfaction of filing a complaint. But like I said, none of that makes up for the fact that my daughter isn't getting her gift!

So that's my story... Merry Freakin' Christmas! From now on, I am boycotting Toys R Us, and although I think that will make very little impact... it will make me feel better! And of course, that is all that matters.

Rock-a-Bye Baby

Earlier today, Dave and I were watching a movie. I was sitting in his lap in a recliner, my head on his shoulder and my legs across his. Anyway, he was rocking the chair with his arm around me. I was so comfortable that I fell asleep. It was the sweetest moment! I don't know that I was ever rocked to sleep as a child, but I hope I will continue to be as an adult. I love my husband!

My Mayberry

I am from a small town. Most of you know this, but few actually know the extent of it. When people say "I'm from a small town in Texas," well they usually mean a less-than-fifty-thousand-small town. I'm from a less-than-three-thousand-small town. The really crazy thing is that we have just as many nursing homes as we have stop lights. That would be three. We have three stop lights, and three nursing homes. At least a third of our entire population uses a bed pan and eats puree. And if you consider all the babies (triplets born recently)... half of the population eats puree.


Some of you may wonder why I would consider living in a place that practically shuts down at sunset. Well, I ask myself that very question everyday. This place is wack! There is no McDonald's (probably from the lack of puree on the menu), no Target or Wal-Mart, no 24-hour pharmacy, and everything closes at 8! But, my family is here and that's why I keep coming back. Not enough can be said for the comfort of family. My children have never been happier and well, I would do anything if it made my babies happy. I suppose I'll endure the small town anxiety and claustrophobia for the good of my family. Afterall, it's only a few months. I can do anything for a few months.


Anyway, so the other day I went to the courthouse to pay a bill. As I pull up, I notice something very odd... a freakin' rooster was walking around the square. I mean, really, how in the world does that happen? How many roosters do you have to have in your car to not notice one missing? 5-6? I don't know, but even for Hamilton.. that seems odd. I half expect to find a cow grazing in my front yard when I wake up. I have a picture of the rooster on my new phone, but just like all the blog photos I take, I'm sure it will remain tucked away, unseen on my phone.


In all honesty, I really do like my small town. I sometimes liken it to the town in Back to the Future (without the clock tour, Michael J Fox, or time travel). Who needs the flux capacitor with Jordan's Soda Fountain down the street? It's actually quite quaint, with retro vinyl stools and soda floats in tall glasses. Soon, you'll be able to wander the square with the sound of Christmas carols in the air. This town is made up of all the things you expect to see in black and white, like Mayberry. My own little personal Mayberry.

Who needs therapy... just go to Cali!

Oh my gosh! Can you guys please quit crying over my lack of blogging. I mean, really, doesn't anyone ever go on vacation anymore. Honestly, do you guys blog ritually... come rain, sleet, shine or California vacation! I think not!
Anyway, I am back!

So here's the deal... I recently came back from my soon to be home town... and I'm in love. Totally worth abandoning all my friends for it (heehee). Well, maybe it isn't that great... but it is sure close. Let me tell ya, San Diego is beautiful. I just feel happy there. Like I have been walking around in zombie mode for a few months and suddenly the crisp air and sunny sky woke my lethargic butt up! I walked around aimlessly with a silly grin on my face. I think I have found my home. I plan on taking root there and only venturing out long enough to remind me how good I have it. Sucks to be you guys stuck on the East Coast. West Coast, holla!

So good news: I found myself in California. I'd lost me a while ago and well, it is nice to have her back. For the past several months, I have been floating around. I wasn't really happy, but I wasn't really sad. I was just kind of there. I blame the military, but you know, I signed up for it I guess. Anyway, when you have been forced to give up any expectations you kind of lose hope and start settling for anything. I was so used to not getting what I wanted that I stopped wanting anything. Funny thing is, I'm not really talking about anything in particular. I wasn't unhappy in my marriage or my family or my friends. There was just something missing that I used to have. It's weird. Kind of like when you go to bed every night in the same room. You have your bed with the fluffy pillows, to the left is your night stand with your favorite book (scriptures, let's say :-D) an alarm clock, a lamp and a cute little picture of you and your husband when you were dating. To the right you have a big pile of laundry that should be folded but probably won't. Anyway, you see the same thing every night. Then one day, your husband takes the picture. (I don't know why, don't ask... it's just a metaphor) Anyway, do you notice? Nope, what you do notice is there is something missing. Crap! You know something is missing, but the only thing that you can think about is the stupid laundry that you need to do. That was me. I knew something important was missing, but all I could think about was my to-do list. The crazy thing is, when your husband puts that picture back, you still don't know what was missing... you just know that it isn't anymore. That's it! That's me! I don't know what was missing, I just know that it isn't anymore. I'm me again. I feel good, happy. Anyway, I don't really care much about what was missing. I'm just glad to be whole again. Ha, isn't that crazy?!

Now that I have that out of the way I will blog regularly and hopefully, future posts will make more sense. It was just something on my mind and if I can't vent here... then really, what good is a blog. Am I right?

Forget me NOT, por favor!

So I'm sitting here in a Safeway parking lot, stealing their wifi and waiting for Dave to go number two. I thought that I would take this forced downtime to inform my plethora of followers that I still love and adore them and I am counting down the days until I can entertain them again. I am currently in transit to San Diego and it may be a while until I can blog again. So please remember me!

It's gettin' HOT in hur...

The most amazing thing happened today. Earlier today I was at Dave's TBS graduation. This was the culmination of 6 months of torture and loneliness. He has worked so hard and actually graduated in the top 10%. I am very proud, yada yada yada. BUT, that isn't the amazing part. 

Alas, some guy "asked about me" to Austin! Oh yeah, ladies you heard me right! I have entered the HOT zone! Although I don't think the word hot actually was mentioned, I am, for the remainder of today,  referring to myself not as 30 yr old mom of three... but as one HOT MAMA! Ah yeah! I am so freakin' pumped. I don't think you understand, that one simple act made by that very kind man... validated me as a woman. I know, it's sad that I should put so much credence in a stranger's perception of me... but I do. 

This is the deal. When you get married, have kids and show the effects of both, you lose confidence. Don't get me wrong, I hear that I'm beautiful a million times a day. Between my lovely kids and my virile husband, I hear it enough. The problem is, when you hear that you're beautiful while your naked on the toilet... it diminishes its desired impact. It makes you think, am I really beautiful or are my kids just being kind or my husband, does he want, uhm, something ;-)?  I have not heard that I was beautiful from anyone other than family in so long, that I really truly believed that maybe I wasn't. There are no words to describe how awesome it is to hear that someone "asked about you!" Even before I was married that made me feel all giggly and happy, and well now, it feels even better. I'm elated! I want to meet this guy, tell him thanks and give him a big hug... but I figure I'll play it cool. 

Ten Habits I Hate About You

There are some things that people do that drive me absolutely bonkers! Sometimes, just a word will make me cringe and send shivers up my spine. The crazy thing is, I do all these things! I know, I am such a hypocrite! But for some reason, these things only drive me crazy when other people are doing them! 

10. Gum smacking- I used to hate this! It would drive me nuts to hear Kiki smacking her gum. Smack, smack, smack, pop, smack! Ugh! All that freakin' noise! But then one day, she told me that her gum just doesn't taste as good when she doesn't smack. I thought that was interesting so I tried it out... she was right. However, I can still only tolerate the smacking if I have gum to smack too. My smacking drowns out hers :-)

9. Yelling at other people's kids- Ok, so this drives me crazy. A few years ago I would have swore up and down that I would never stoop to that level. But as my kids get older and I have become more crabby... I have resorted to reprimanding other people's kids. I hate that about myself and I still hold out hope that I will change back to my carefree less stressed version of myself. Here's hoping!

8. Finger tapping- Oh my gosh! I hate this! I think that most people do this and just the same... I think that most people hate it. This is a horrible mindless habit that if you are doing it, you are completely absorbed in thought. There is no way on earth that anyone finds that incessant noise enjoyable!

7. Saying oh instead of zero- I recently commended my friend Jess for actually saying Zero in her phone number! I don't know when it became popular to say a letter in the place of a number... but it needs to stop. I have heard it so much that without thinking it has slipped a few times from my mouth. I have to correct myself immediately, but I fear that it will become more and more frequent.

6. Singing loudly- I don't know why this bothers me. I guess I feel like your singing detracts from my singing. It isn't so much the singing that bothers me, but when people don't sing well (which is crazy, because I am a terrible singer) Sometimes Dave will sing songs and make up his own words, but to the rhythm of the real song. That is so irritating! I don't like it all. If you're gonna sing, sing it right!

5. Answering game show questions out loud- My mom is the worst at this... or the best I should say. I know that the only reason I don't like this is because it shows how unintelligent I am. Of course, I don't hesitate to answer quickly when I actually know the answer. (That is extremely rare in the case of Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit) I feel like game shows are a test of wit and speed and when I don't answer first... I'm a failure at both. Not a good feeling!

4. Turning without using your blinker- This really only bothers me when I am waiting to turn because some fool is headed my way, then it turns out that he is turning anyway and I could have turned 10 minutes ago. Gah! Of course, I have been guilty of this numerous times. However, when I realize that I've done it I at least offer the through-the-window-as-I'm-turning apologetic wave. I'm considerate like that.

3. Talking on your cell phone in public- To my credit, I try very hard not to do this! It is so annoying to be in line at the store and some chick is in front of you. She's venting to the sisterhood about how that fool didn't call her back and the gas bill is late cuz her baby daddy didn't send the child support payment. Hello lady, I don't wanna know your business! Neither do the other 40 people behind me. We just want you to put your phone up, pay your bill and get the frick outta here!

2. Repeating words I say with an accent- This is one that I didn't realize I did myself until recently. There is a girl at the gym that has the most adorable English accent, I can't help but mimic her. I certainly don't mean anything by it, I just think it's cute. I have to be conscious of it because I have always hated the way people have repeated my southern tipped words. Anything like white, night, light... I would avoid like the plague! Inevitably, all the Northerners would repeat the word with an over-indulgent accent. This act (which they would say was out of adoration) would make me feel like an uneducated hick, and I hated it! To this day, imitations of George W. will make me cringe! Flashbacks to my early days in the Navy!

1. Tickling! All the other habits, I do begrudgingly. I hate that I do it, and usually it is unintentional. But, tickling is so fun! I love to tickle my babies! I love to tickle them so much that they cry and can't breath and they beg for relief. The problem is... I HATE to be tickled! I hate it so much that it makes me mad when I do get tickled. It is so uncomfortable! I don't know why I laugh when I'm being tickled because all I am thinking is how I'm gonna kill the tickler! All that rolls around in my head is how I would rather die than be tickled. People joke that it is a form of torture and I whole-heartedly agree. It should be outlawed... unless I am doing it :-) 

Correction: My sister, Kelli, is not a turd. She is actually my best friend and I love her more than anything!

All you have to Fear is Fear of Embarrassment

Earlier today, I was discussing my complete hatred of seeing other people embarrassed. I can't stand it, it makes me literally sick to my stomach. That's why I will never watch the first episodes of American Idol. (nevermind the fact that it is all fake for the sake of good television) It's just the very idea that they may be embarrassed when they watch the show. Anyway, as I was talking about it, I realized that I must have some deep psychological reasons for that. I'm grasping at straws now, but I think that maybe, in my past I was so severely embarrassed that I was traumatized! If that is the case, and I think it is, maybe I can get over this emotional hurdle by posting all my most embarrassing memories for all the world to see. A sort of ... confronting my fears act.

Anyway, here are a few that readily spring to mind. None seem too terrible, I am gonna have to dig in my subconscious to find the real kicker. Here goes:

So rewind about twenty years. I was ten. As most ten year olds, I had to keep a journal at school. My teacher was awesome, she promised that she would never read the entries, just check to see if they were done. This was to encourage our creativity and honesty. Apparently, I felt totally comfortable. I had that journal filled with my innermost feelings. It just so happen, that I was in love with my 16 year old sister's boyfriend. After all, I was the cute one. He just needed me to grow up a bit. So I confessed my love in my journal, you know, just until he became wise and chose me. So, this little journal... oooh how it would soon betray me! I wrote things like "I love Brian," "Brian is the most handsome man in the world," "Mr. and Mrs. Brian ____," (I chose to leave that out so that he isn't stalked for breaking my heart) Anyway, we totally had a future together, I was sure of it. One fateful evening, Brian came over for dinner. He and my sister were only allowed to sit on the couch, they could never venture anywhere else. So why in the world did I drop my book bag on the couch! Gah! That is a simple act that I will always regret! That, and the act of bringing that stupid journal home! Why the crap did I do that! Ugh! So as you can already imagine, my mean old sister spotted the pale blue journal... and did her damage! She flipped it open and read ALOUD! I remember walking into the living room, filled with their giggles, and hearing her voice reading my words "Brian is so handsome, I'm gonna marry Brian, Brian is the soooo cool.... blah blah blah." I was absolutely mortified! I burst into tears and it was weeks before I could look at Brian again. Man, my sister was such a turd! I feel sorry for myself all over again!

Now fast forward a couple years, I'm in junior high now. I am totally cool, with tons of friends! I cannot risk doing anything wrong,  I have a reputation to uphold! There are a lot of pressures to being popular. There are always people waiting for that one moment to bring you down. For me, that moment was in the form of a game of HORSE at a friend's house. We were just goofing off, playing b-ball. I was always a baller, I love basketball! It was my favorite sport! So, of course, I was acting all cool, shooting the crazy shots. Anyway, my friend, Jeri, shoots a little shot right under the goal and makes it. What an easy shot, dude! I totally have it! I walk up all confident. I lift the ball up, take aim and right as I am about to jump... I freakin' FART! Holy smokes, where in the world did that come from! It escaped before I even knew it was there! I tried to act like it was nothing, like it was just some weird sound the ball made in my hands, like those vinyl couches or rubber soled shoes... but it was too late. Jeri was laughing her butt off! I thought for sure this was gonna be all over my school come Monday! I was trying to make up excuses in my head, or just gearing up for the fail-proof DENIAL! But, Monday came and went and Jeri proved herself the true friend. She never said a word! But it never lessened the embarrassment of that moment!  

Now, fast forward to my junior year in high school. It was the summer time and I invited my best friend Jessica to go stay with my big sister in Fort Worth. We were there for a week, watching movies, having our hair and nails done, playing games. It was awesome! One day, my sister had to work so she dropped Jess and I off at a go-cart/mini golf place. We were so excited, that place was full of boys! Ah yeah! We were looking especially cute! Our hair was perfect, our make-up was just right, and our attitudes: shamefully confident! So we strutted around, looking beautiful, and ended up at the go-carts. We got in those things, trying to look cute as we did, and we took off. We had a blast! We were bumping each other (even though that isn't allowed, being cute enables you to do a lot of things). We rode those things over and over and over. Almost the entire day. Anyway, we decided to venture out, maybe get something to drink. We walked up to some boys to make some conversation. I distinctly remember that they were not worthy of us, they were not near cute enough to hang with us, but whatever. So we were talking to them and we notice that they are looking at us funny. They just kind of smile and walk off. What  the crap! They should feel lucky that we even talked to them! We are hot stuff!!! So we are feeling a bit burned, but completely self-assured. We walk off and sit at a table together. While we are sitting there, we get our first real look at each other. "What's that stuff in your hair?" "What is all that black stuff?" We move to the light to see... and no joke we were COVERED in black junk! What in the world!? It was everywhere! It was all in our hair, near our scalps, around our eyes and mouths. We had it on our foreheads and in our ears! It was all over our clothes! OH MY GOSH! We were covered in tire tread! All that go-carting was literally tainting our cool girl image! We looked like such nerds! We went straight to the bathroom, cleaned up and called for a ride home! There was no way we could face all those people again. To this day, I have never been back. They might recognize me :-)

Well, I know that I have tons more moments like these, but as of now... I can't think of any. I'll keep thinking and if I come up with the real stinger, I'll be sure to post it! Man, I already feel better!

Nightmare on Chesterbrook Court

Last night I was tossing and turning all night. I was miserable and it was so dang hot. I was peeling away layers all night, I was surprised to wake up this morning with clothes still on. Anyway, when I'm hot I have the worst dreams. Last night was no exception. I had this horrible dream that Dave (aka love of my life) left me! What the crap! I have invested far too much into him for him to just shuck me like a dirty shirt! Honestly, I was with him when he was a PFC with no money, no education and no fashion sense! I made him what he is today... a 2ndLT with no money,  a little education, and well, more fashion sense.

 So in my dream, we decide to see other people! Yes, I said we. We were going through our 7 year itch! (Thanks a lot Jess!) And we needed time apart. Mind you, we have been married over 8 but apparently we are a little slow on the learning curve in my dream. We set out to try this whole dating scene. I don't mind the looking so much, really, it's kinda cool. Just doin' a little shoppin. But when Dave picks out his girl....I freak! Can you believe that he picked out Gina! Gina is this totally cute chick at the gym that has perfect skin and beautiful hair and is hot. Ok, so I totally freak! I want take backs! I wanna take back this stupid freakin' idea to date other people! What the crap was I thinking! It made me sick to my stomach that Dave was gonna go out with someone else! Ugh, I'm getting all nauseated just replaying it for the sake of a blog! I beg him to change his mind, I'm crying and begging and offering deals. But he just shakes his head and says that he's going on his date. I know that he is never gonna come back to Blah Me when he can have Hot Gina. And that is when I wake up and realize that Dave is right next to me... well kinda, he's on the other side of Ashlyn, who is right next to me. But he is still laying there, happy to be in bed with me. Yea for reality!

26.2

I ran my first Marathon! WHOOHOO! It was so freakin' long and my legs are so freakin' tired... but I loved it!!! I am so pumped! I wanna do more. I am thinking of signing up for the San Diego one... Katrina, you're invited to join. I know how much you love to run :-)

Anyway, so I ran the Marine Corps Marathon and it was spectacular! There were so many spectators. They just kept cheering you on and yelling for you, I swear they worked just as hard as I did. They were there for hours ringing bells and screaming and handing out candy. It was awesome! Thanks to my own cheering team: Dave, Cooper, Ashlyn, Emmalyn, Greg, Jessica, Jakob, Kora, Mia, and especially Isaak! You guys were awesome and it was so nice to see friendly faces after 19 miles of staring at sweaty butts! 

I think that I have the marathon bug and I recommend it to everyone! It doesn't have to be fast (it took me a long 5 hrs 27 min), you just have to finish! And the feeling is awesome when you do! 

Soooo, I have this neighbor

My neighbor, hmm, is a bit manipulating. A few weeks ago she locked her keys in her car and I made the mistake of offering to drive her kids to school. BIG freakin' mistake! Now I'm a personal chauffeur. So she calls me up just after this first trip and asked me if I could take her kids to school every Tues and Wed. They have to be there at 8 in the morning and she is a single Marine Mom and can't get them there early. I told her that I don't take my own kids because I don't have the money for gas, but she insists that she will pay me $35 a week! I was stoked! I could totally use the extra money and it is more than enough to drive them to school. 

So I have been taking her kids to school twice a week for a few weeks. I have been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn to get my three kids ready to take her kids to school and come home just in time to get my kids on the bus (since the school won't take my kids until 8:35). This is totally cruddy! And guess what... she hasn't freakin' paid me!!! I am up at night stewing over this. I know that I should be happy to help, but I'm not like that... I don't like to help you unless I like you... that's just the truth ladies... sorry about that! I'm not a nice person, not anymore, and this is exactly why! I totally get trampled on when I am nice! So I thought to myself last night "hey, grow some and tell her no." So I got up this morning ready to tell her that after today I was no longer at her service. I had this big list of reasons why it was too inconvenient.... I've got three kids, no money, a brain tumor :-),  and too much stress as it is! (Yes, I have a tiny tumor and you all should feel especially sorry for me and start commenting my blogs) Plus her daughter drives me crazy!!! Yikes, she can talk! I mean, really, she can totally put Morgan to shame! Anyway, so I head over to tell her, and the yackety daughter tells me that her mom is at the doctor. Figures! I'll tell her later.... but then on the way to school, I start questioning the kiddos. Get this, she broke her freakin' big toe! What the crap! Dude, I know from experience (through the hubby, no less) that broken big toes SUCK! He was out for like two months and had to have surgery... two pins and a screw! All for a big toe! Turns out, she dropped a frozen gallon of milk on her toe! Who in the world does that! Freezes milk and drops it on their toe! I am inclined to believe that she really wanted me to take the kids to school. So needless to say, I am going to continue to take those kids to school! 

Memories... in the corner of my mind

So much has been going on lately, but nothing that I want to advertise to the blogging world, so I have neglected this infant blog and perhaps left it to die. Many that have visited it with hopeful smiles have left saddened by my laziness, so here I have come to correct this egregious oversight.

Since I have nothing great to share about the present, I thought that I might share one of my most favorite childhood memories!!! I had a great freakin' childhood. 

War with the planet Z28

My brother was in fact the most ingenious and entertaining friend I had growing up! He is the source of most my childhood memories! He was, like most boys, obsessed with conflict and resolution. We would sit around a little table with a map of the world and a pitcher of cool-aid. Of course, the cool aid was our drink of choice and it represented the wine that all business meetings have. We would talk about the problems and slam our drinks dramatically when we realized that Russia was planning an attack through Rhode Island (I'm not really sure that it was through Rhode Island). After a complete inventory, we realized that we were unfortunately low on supplies. Inevitably GI Joe Headquarters was at war with Cobra Command and were unable to render assistance. It was up to us, to save the world and rid it of nuclear weapons once and for all. My brother, Commander Walton,  would strategize on the wall, pointing out the enemy's weaknesses using half of a pool stick that we found at the creek. We talked about going around Russia and flanking through Siberia, but that was too cold for our troops. We talked about blitzing with an entire submarine fleet, but that was too risky. Finally, in a unanimous decision, we decided to enlist the aid of another Power Planet. Thus we approached Planet Z28. We would use them for Inter-spacial support while we attacked "sub-ozonally." 

Strangely, citizens of this planet look very similar to humans with rusty bird cages on their heads. Conveniently enough, the leader of Planet Z28 spoke English. He simply opened the cage door and and a translating device in it's hinges would translate Z28ish to English! We bartered with the leader for hours, trying to negotiate a treaty.  We tried to convince this leader that the US was in danger, but somehow, and my memories have failed me why, Planet Z28 refused to help and actually fought against us! But, my brother was steadfast. He knew that the only way to defeat Russia and Planet Z28 was to traverse lava carpet by means of Little Towel islands and reach Reclining Chair Region. It was in that region that the secret key was held. This key would ensure our victory. 

Oh there were close calls and several times my brother had to clutch my hand as I lost balance on those tiny little islands. But alas, we reached our destination in one piece. Once at Reclining Chair Region, we obtained the key to crushing the Russian-Z28 alliance and we were victorious! 

We had saved the US and thus the world without ever leaving our house and no one was ever the wiser. 

Picture Puzzle

Well, I was at the doctor again today. HA! That must sound terrible, but this was just a regular old visit to the Podiatrist. I go in every saturday to get my feet taped for the long run that I may or may not actually do. To be honest, it feels good on my feet and insurance pays for it so why not. Anyway, this blog is NOT about a doctor, but instead about what we resort to when we are bored. While I'm waiting for the doctor, I pick up the Washington Post Magazine. I hate reading it, I just want the games... you know sudoku, crosswords and ahhh.... the picture puzzle. I'm not really smart enough for the first two, so I flip straight to the picture puzzle. So I'm looking at this absurdly detailed picture of the Washington Wizards. Ugh, I don't even like professional basketball. 

It seems easy enough. At first glance...BAM... I have already found 1,2,3....6,7,8,9. Child's play! Oh wait, crap... I don't have a pencil. I don't remember, did I already get the missing patch on number 9's jersey. I should ask the nurse for a pen or something. No, I can't be that guy... the one that answers all the crossword and the sudoku except the really hard ones that nobody knows anyway. Dang it, I have to start over.... 1,2,3...6,7,8! EIGHT! What the crap! How did I lose one, let me count again. 1,2,3...6,7,8. Nope, I only have 8.  My brain is hurting! I can't remember what I've found! 

Don't worry, Bonnie Lou... only 4 more to go. The doctor is always late, you definitely have time to finish. So, I'm looking... and looking and looking. Where the heck are these differences. I'm beginning to think there was a misprint, I'm mean honestly, this is a kid's game... I should find these things. Now, the stress is really piling on... I hear the doc. He's coming for me! I hear his dorky laugh and it's at the nurse's station. I'm next, I know I am! I have to find these things! I guess I could just take it home with me... NO! I'm no clepto, I can't just steal this dude's magazine. Well, in college I did steal mugs from Denny's to stock my dorm room. No, I have to find them all before I leave, there just isn't any way around it! 

Oh my gosh! Number 10! HELLO! The stupid Verizon Z isn't red! Gah! I'm a retard! Two more... two more! Nooooo! The door knob is turning! I have to find them! Dang, the Dr's here. He talks, but I don't really listen... just wrap my arches dude so I can get back to my picture puzzle. What in the world is wrong with me!? I have become obsessed! Where is number 12! I have found all but one! 

Too quickly the doc is done, and it's time for me to move on. I walk through the waiting area, depressed and defeated, and lay that stupid magazine down.  On the drive home, I realize that I just totally stressed over that stupid game. I'm like that! I do things to pass the time and then I go nuts! Like on long drives, I do this weird thing where every time I pass a shadow that crosses the road I have to bite down my front teeth. If it's just a little shadow, I bite down quickly and let up.... but if it's a long thick shadow, I hold my teeth together until the sun shines through. Man, I have always thought that was weird, but it sounds totally freaky typed out. Anyway, the point is... when I get to an area that has a lot of shadows... like a row of trees... I get all stressed out! I have to hit that shadow.. I have to chomp down at exactly the right time. Oh, no, I missed that little tree... or does that really count since the shadow didn't go ALL the way across. Freak, now my timing is all off! I need to take a deep breath so I can catch that next bunch of shadows... I will redeem myself. WHAT!? Redeem myself? No one cares! Who am I redeeming myself to! Great! Now I can just toss ADD and OCD to the list of diagnoses that I should be labeled with!  I wonder why I'm stressed all day everyday... it's because instead of balancing the checkbook I'm thinking of that number 12 that eluded me or because every time I get home, me teeth hurt because Virginia has a freakin' TON of trees! UGH!!! 

Well, of course, I am still concerned about the twelfth difference. So after some digging, I have found that picture puzzle on the washingtonpost.com... I will grant unlimited access to my blog (24 hrs/day- 7days/wk) to the first person to find ALL 12 differences! Here it is:

Unusually Thick

This is the deal, I've decided that I am going to use this blog as therapy. It isn't gonna be a blog that lets people know about how beautiful my children are or how awesome my husband is... no freakin' way! If you know me at all, you know this anyway and it would just be rubbing it in if I talked about it. I am gonna vent about what's bothering me. I'm just gonna trick people into visiting my seemingly benign blog by using all these cute layouts and then out of nowhere... I'm gonna RANT! 

Ok, so I go to the Dr. yesterday, because yet again something is definitely wrong with me. I know this because I have been working my butt off at the gym and I'm not losing ANY weight! That cannot be normal. And of course, it's not my fault, it has to be someone else's... like hormones... .... my new scapegoat! So anyway, I go to this supposed "hormone specialist" and look for some answers. He walks in and let me tell ya... he is totally creepy! Ugh, like total Jeffrey Dahmer vibe... yuck! 

So he asked me "What are you here for?" uhm a freakin' Cherry Dr. Pepper and some fries! You're a hormone Doctor, buddy, what do you think? You can totally tell that I'm still cranky, I know! Whatever, so I tell him I have PCOS and I want to have everything checked out. 

He says "What's PCOS?" (What the crap?! Are you really even a doctor?! Shouldn't he know this stuff already? )

 Anyway, so I tell him and he says "Women with PCOS are usually obese, you seem too thin for that."  (Ok, so he DOES know what PCOS is, what a poop-face. He was just checking to see if I knew what PCOS was. Like I'm some hypochondriac that just diagnoses myself or my flat-head son with some obscure disorder. I'm not that mom, but I do know her.)

 Anyway, so I tell him that I workout all the time, I'm lifting weights, I eat relatively well, I'm training for a marathon... but I'm still not losing weight! 

Then the terdball actually says "maybe you need a Psychiatrist." (Excuse me! What a hoser, man! He has like no bedside manner!) 

Anyway, it turns out that he was lamely trying to be funny, but I didn't laugh! I don't have time for humor... hello, I'm dying here of some disease that you haven't discovered!!! 

So he checks my lungs, my ears and my throat. No surprise, they are not the source of my hormone problems. I'm wondering now if there are any credentials one needs to be qualified as a "hormone specialist." Apparently anyone can put that on their card. 

Bonnie Snipes, mother of three, wife to one and "Hormone Specialist."

So, he tells me to lay down. He proceeds to check my abdomen... and this is where things go completely awry! He lifts my shirt takes one look at my gut and says... brace yourself fellow full-figure girls... "oh, yeah... you ARE unusually thick around the midsection." Holy Freakin' cow! Did you just diagnose me with being FAT! What the crap is that! I officially logged him in my Next-Person-to-Punch-in-the-Face book and he went straight to the top! Ahead of the Principal who wouldn't let Amber have her daughter at school, ahead of  Jason who says that Journey sucks, ahead of the guy that hit me in the head with a bat while making a practice swing. YES, I hate that doctor! But as fate would have it, I'm going back next week, cuz that jerk has my lab results!

This one's for you, Jess!

Ok, so I am totally caving under the enormous peer pressure! Ever so slyly, Jessica has created this blinged out blog and I feel obligated to write something. For weeks I have told her that I have nothing interesting to add to the blogging community, but she is relentless! Whatever, so if anyone reads this (I'm sure there are few) I am sorry for the blah that you are about to get hit with!

So, just about the only thing interesting that happened today was that I started my period. Whoopty-freakin'-do! No one cares, but I am devastated at how much of a *B* I am when this happens. So last night, I had like a googillion kids in my house. Ordinarily, I am not the type of person that corrects other people's kids, but last night... I found myself totally wiggin' out. What the freak is up with that! I was correcting kids left and right and all along, I'm thinking "what have I become, I am my biggest pet peeve." I totally hate it when other parents try to parent MY kids! It drives me bonkers! Obviously I was disturbed by my new bad habit. So I was struggling internally with this when I went to bed, and it like completely ballooned over night and I was ten times crankier this morning. So, I rolled out of bed and was pissy from the get go! I barreled down the stairs, ready to bark at anyone that crossed my path... and it was my poor sweet Coopdawg! Ok, so this how it went down. I was coming down the steps and I was passing out the day's outfits and getting overwhelmed by my to-do's and the kids were chattering up a storm. I'm trying to make breakfast and pack lunches and change Emmalyn and well, I kinda freaked. I told Cooper "I'm tired of you laying around, go pack you lunch." What the freak?! Mind you, he has NEVER made his own lunch!!! He says "Yes ma'm" and heads for the kitchen all downtrodden and mopey! Who am I? I instantly feel like such a terd! I wanna apologize profusely, but I can't do it! Dang! My poor son is in there looking for the stupid turkey and cheese and I just stare at him like a moron. I don't know what to say! I am a terrible mom and my angel is taking it like a man! Ugh, I finally tell him "don't worry about it" and not nicely... and shoo him away! Dude, am I horrible or what! Gah! Anyway, I am stewing over my inability to make amends with my son when I head to the bathroom to pee. In my haste I have forgotten the morning pee and I had to go bad. I storm upstairs disappointed with myself, my morning and my bladder! And low and behold, my period! Thank freakin' goodness! It all made sense. I am not a bad mother, I am not an impatient old hag, I am a PMS'n mother of three with no money to spend, no husband around, and no tampon to use and I am right with the world, cuz it was just the hormones! Ah, thank goodness!